


The Weight of Your World

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Depression, Eventual Stony, Insecure Tony, M/M, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 19:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>`And if your back is breaking from the weight of your troubles, I ask you to lay them on my shoulders. I'll bear the brunt of their attacks. I'll save you, 'cause you're all I have. If you can't stop crying and you don't know why, I'll dry your tears, take your hand in mine. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, oh darling, if only you knew. `</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability."  
> -Henry Ford

There wasn't much Tony Stark didn't know. Or, at least, there wasn't much Tony Stark didn't think he knew.

He had every one of the Avengers thoughts towards him pinned down.

Natasha was scary, unapproachable, and didn't particularly care for him, so he didn't bother with her.

Clint had a mainly easygoing personality, when he was Clint Barton and not Hawkeye, and he didn't really mind Tony. He'd occasionally spend time with Stark, but was put off by the air that the sarcastic, somewhat childish man projected.

Bruce was the closest thing to a friend Tony had on the team, even though he would sometimes have to struggle to remain calm around him, because of his teasing nature. In all, he could stand Tony, he could be his friend when he wasn't being a jackass, and appreciated his knowledge. But everyone needs a break from Tony from time to time, and Bruce just happened to need more frequent breaks because of the Hulk part of him.

Thor enjoyed Tony's company most of the time, but he didn't like it when Tony started up his science talk, mostly because he didn't understand most of what the Midgardian was saying. So at those times he would casually ignore Tony to talk with someone he could make sense of, or just straight up leave.

Steve Rogers didn't like Tony. It was as simple as that. He didn't like that Tony would come home at ungodly hours from some random woman's (he hoped) house, and would sometimes chew him out for it. He didn't like when Tony hid away in his workshop, with all of his far-too-complicated gadgets and doo-dads, not sleeping or eating, and he would get frustrated at him because of it, demanding him to get some sleep and get some food so he'd be alert if they got called to a mission. He didn't like Tony's irresponsibility, or his condescending looks, or his triumphant smirks whenever he thought he'd won. Steve Rogers just did not like Tony. And Tony returned those feelings.

Well, in actuality, he didn't give a shit about Steve. He didn't care when Steve shouted at him to get sleep. He didn't care when Steve would work himself into an almost-rage trying to get Tony to bend to his will. He would just deliver Steve one of his looks that even the brute could understand as him saying, 'are you done yet?'

Sometimes Tony would rant about something Steve had done to JARVIS and Dummy, and then end his spiel by saying that he really didn't care about Steve. And JARVIS, always logical, would of course say something along the lines of, "If you don't care, sir, why do you frequently rant about how much you dislike him?"

And Tony would reply sharply, "Why do you have such an attitude, JARVIS? You're not even real."

JARVIS would sigh, though he definitely wasn't programmed to sigh, and his voice would sound the slightest bit tighter when he spoke, though Tony could definitely just be imagining it. "I am real, sir, just not a physical, warm body as you're used to."

"Don't get technical with me, JARVIS." Tony would grumble, pouting like a child.

"Don't act like a child, Master Stark. And I thought that, being the 'brilliant engineer' you are, you would appreciate technicalities."

Tony would frown, and huff, "I need to reprogram you."

A few moments later, he'd add, "And I'm not acting like a child."

But he would never get around to reprogramming JARVIS, and actually, though he had a hard time admitting this even to himself, it was refreshing to have someone around who wouldn't bullshit him, who'd tell him the truth, and keep him in check with reality.

So yes, Tony Stark knew everything he wanted to know. He knew what his teammates thought of him, he knew he had a friend, an accomplice, in JARVIS, and an enemy in Steve Rogers.

But once again, Tony Stark only thinks he knows everything.

So imagine his surprise when he realized that one of the things he was completely certain about was wrong.

...

Tony stumbles up the stairs from his workshop, brain not functioning at 100% since he'd been awake for... how long now? He'd lost track. Lots of hours.

He finds Steve in the kitchen, at the table, and the blonde looks up as Tony clambers in.

Steve sighs, and stands, gently taking Tony`s shoulders and guiding him to a chair. Food is placed on the table in front of him, and Tony stares blankly at it, as if not comprehending what it was.

"Eat, Stark," Steve says from across the table.

Tony's eyes rise from the plate to the tired-looking man. "I don't need you to take care of me, Rogers," Tony slurs, his eyes trying to narrow, but slipping shut again. His head falls toward the table but he jerks awake, blinking in surprise.

Steve sighs. "Someone has to."

Tony tilts his head to the side, confused. "Huh?" he asks intelligently.

Steve shakes his head. "Just eat."

Tony shrugs, and picks up the sandwich. His stomach roars at the smell of the food, and he chows down, eating quickly.

Steve shakes his head again at Tony`s atrocious manners, but doesn't comment. He waits for Tony to finish, and when he does, Steve takes his plate and cleans it. He walks back to Tony, and pulls him from the chair. Tony, for once, is unresisting. Steve guides him upstairs to his bedroom, and Tony flops onto the bed.

"I trust you can dress yourself for bed?" Steve asks.

Tony makes a muffled noise, before turning his head slightly and saying, " Don`t see why I should change, seeing as how I`ll just get dressed again once I wake up."

Steve just shakes his head yet again and goes to leave, but Tony's voice stops him.

"Hey, Cap?"

Steve turns back around. "Yes, Tony?"

Tony struggles to keep his eyes open and look at Steve. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Steve shrugs. "Despite what you may think, Tony, I do worry about you. I kind of have to, seeing as how your mess-ups are my responsibility."

Tony pauses, before turning his head away from Steve. "Oh." After a few seconds of silence, Tony talks again. "You should go to sleep, Steve."

Steve watches Tony for another moment, before slipping silently out of his room, closing the door behind him.

Tony sighs after he leaves. "Why would I expect any different?" he whispers to himself.

A slight sadness manages to creep into Tony. No matter what he does to convince himself otherwise, he knows full well that none of the other Avengers actually like him, but he goes on acting like he doesn't. He thought that when he joined the Avengers everything would get better, easier. But Tony is lonelier than he ever has been here. He can't spend as much time with Pepper and Rhodey and Happy as he'd like to, and the only people who can actually, really stand him are JARVIS and Dummy, and they aren`t real, nor can JARVIS actually stand him sometimes.

Tony Stark would like to think he`s happy, but, in actuality, that's farther from the truth than any lie he's told himself.

...

Tony wakes up feeling lower than low. He can hardly convince himself to get out of bed, but he does, eventually.

He does, actually, change his clothes, and takes a quick shower, before slogging into the kitchen.

He grabs a doughnut, and chokes it down, before heading to his workshop.

Clint watches him from the couch, and when he disappears down the stairs he sighs. "Why does he spend so much time down there? He doesn't do much."

Natasha shrugs. "That's the only place where he feels safe. Jarvis and that robot of his are his only friends here at the house, and he feels lonely and insecure, so he retreats down there to be with them. As much as he'd like us to believe that he's invincible, tough, he's lonely and afraid, and he isn't used to that."

Clint looks at her for a few moments, quiet. "How do you know this?" he finally asks.

Natasha raises her perfect eyebrows slightly. "Clint, my dear, I understand people. It's what I do."

He shakes his head. "I just don't understand how you get all of that depth from such a two-dimensional person."

Natasha looks at Clint a bit harshly. "We all have different ways, Clint. He protects himself by being insufferable and not allowing others to get close to him."

Clint shrugs. "If you say so, Nat."

Steve had been paying attention to what the woman had been saying, though, and after deliberating for a moment, he nods to himself in determination. It's his personal mission to break through Tony`s walls, to befriend him, even if he can't stand him most of the time.

Steve makes a cup of coffee for Tony, and goes down into the workshop, where the glass walls are covered with various files and projects Tony was working on.

JARVIS speaks as Steve approaches. "Sir, it appears that Master Rogers is at the door. Shall I let him in?"

Tony looks to the door, confused as to why Steve of all people would be down here. "Uh, sure. Let him in."

Steve steps in, and nods to Tony, setting the cup of coffee on a table. He looks around, nodding slowly as if he actually understands what he's seeing.

Tony narrows his eyes at Steve a bit. "Cap, why, exactly, are you in here?"

Steve shrugs. "Just thought you might like some company."

Tony looks a little surprised at that. "Sorry to tell you, but you thought wrong, buddy." He walks over, picks up the coffee, takes a sip. He wrinkles his nose, putting it down.

Steve sighs. "Tony, I`m trying to be nice here. I actually want us to get along."

Tony eyes widen at that. "You do? I was under the impression that you really dislike me."

Steve scrunches his nose, tilts his head to the side. "Well... you can be a bit.. much."

Tony smiles, letting out a puff of laughter. "A bit much? That's an understatement if I ever heard one, Cap."

Steve sighs again. "Listen, I just came here to talk, you know? Get to know you a bit."

Tony really looks surprised at that. "Did you, now? I figured you came down here to yell at me some more about how I don't sleep enough or eat enough, or maybe about how I'm not responsible enough."

Steve feels a small bubble of frustration. He'd somehow forgotten how Tony acted. "Stark, I didn't come to argue or yell at you."

Tony curls his lip. "You really think you want to get to know me?"

Steve nods. "A good leader should have a good relationship with his soldiers."

That was the wrong thing to say.

Tony immediately bristles. "Look here, Rogers. I'm not a soldier, nor do I follow your orders. You aren't my leader, and you never will be."

Steve groans in frustration. "Tony, will you stop it for just one second?"

Tony glares at Steve. "Stop what, Captain? You told me you wanted to get to know me, so here I am!"

Steve clenches his fists, trying to calm himself. "No, Tony. This isn`t you. Natasha said that you just hide behind these walls and that-"

"Oh, so now Natasha knows me better than me?" Tony interrupts.

"That wasn't what I was saying-"

"Then what were you saying? Are you trying to tell me that you didn't just say that Natasha told you something about me as if she knows me at all?"

"Tony, she's an expert at stuff like this, and you should just listen to-"

"No, Steve! You should listen to me! I don't need company, okay? I know that none of you like me, so why don't you just drop the act and stop pretending that you're suddenly interested in me?!"

Steve pauses, staring at Tony. "Is that what you think, Tony?" he asks quietly.

Tony clenches his jaw, forcing himself to meet Steve`s eyes. "Don't act as if it isn't true."

"But is isn't true. You're an invaluable member of our team."

Tony laughs a laugh devoid of humor. "Oh, please. Just because I'm useful on the team doesn't mean you guys like me or enjoy my company. I'm not stupid, Steve, I can see when I'm not wanted."

Steve shakes his head. "But you are wanted-"

"Stop it, Steve."

Steve continues, anyways. "No, Tony, I won't stop it. You need to understand that we appreciate you, that we know all the stuff you do for us, that we're your friends, that-"

"Shut up, Steve!"

"-you're valued and a damned good engineer and-"

Neither of them expected the punch, so imagine their surprise when Tony's fist connects with Steve's jaw.

Steve steps back in shock, and Tony's eyes widen.

Steve slowly looks back at Tony, his face incredulous.

Tony swallows, and his eyes narrow, but he looks uncertain. "You don`t know anything about me," he spits, but his voice wavers.

Steve's jaw tightens, and he silently turns and leaves.

Tony collapses on his couch when Steve is gone, and he pulls his knees up to his chest.

"What's wrong with me, JARVIS? Why do I keep pushing them away?" Tony mumbles, but he receives no answer.

...

Clint and Natasha watch as Steve storms from the workshop, anger radiating off of him.

"I'm guessing that talk with Tony didn't go over very well?" Clint asks, though he can already tell.

Steve glares at the archer. "I don't want to talk about it," he growls, before stalking off to the workout room to take his anger out on some hapless punching bags.

Natasha sighs. "Looks like we're going to have to play damage control."

Clint shakes his head, laughing. "Oh no, I am not getting dragged into this mess."

Natasha raises her eyebrows, and silently rises from the couch, going down to Tony's workshop.

She lets herself in, figuring it's unlocked, and finds Tony sitting on his couch, knees pulled to his chest. He doesn't even look at her as she sits beside him.

After a minute or so of silence, Tony asks, "What do you want, Natasha?"

The woman shrugs, and mirrors Tony's position. "I just wanted to check up on you. Steve was pretty mad when he came back upstairs. What happened?"

Tony sighs. "I punched him."

Natasha's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Really? Why?"

Tony scowls. "Because Steve was being an idiot. He was pushy, wouldn't listen to me, he was just being so damn infuriating."

Natasha smiles amusedly. "So he was being you?"

Tony goes silent.

It`s dead quiet for a few minutes, before Tony asks, in a small voice, "Is that... really how I come across to you guys?"

Natasha sighs, her face switching to sympathy. "That's how you present yourself, and I think you know it."

Tony sighs back at her. "I don't know why I do it. Is Steve right? Are you right? Do I just put up walls to keep people out?"

Natasha pats Tony`s hand. "I think it's a way for you to protect yourself, and I don't think they're to keep people out, I think that you put them up to ensure that you can`t be hurt by anyone. I'm guessing that even the people closest to you don't know everything about you? Maybe it has to do with the way Howard treated you."

Tony stiffens, but doesn't say anything, letting her keep talking.

"I would think he was always really busy, and left you to yourself most of the time? Maybe your mother wasn't around all that often either? Tony? You still there?"

Tony swallows painfully, nodding and blinking hard. He finally manages to say something. "When he was home, he wouldn't ever shut up about Captain America. I idolized him, wanted to be a hero like him someday. And so, when I met him and he was... Steve, I just... I couldn't find Captain America in him. I couldn't see how this distant, cold person could be him, my childhood hero. And then he was out in the field and he... he was Captain America, and I was amazed by that. But then he went back to Steve. And now he hates me and... and I can't help but feel that I've just let my dad down again. Believe me, I don't live to please him but... before Captain America was my idol, my dad was. I hung on to every word he said as if he were some sort of god, and even as I grew I couldn't shake off some of that need to have his approval. I can't help but feel like I just mess up, over and over again, that I never get anything right, and I always let him down again. I feel that he would be disappointed in the fact that I don't get along with Steve. I really want to, but I just can't seem to let myself do that."

Natasha had listened to every word Tony had said, and she stops to think for a moment. "Maybe you feel something for Steve?"

Tony jerks away as if she'd slapped him. "W-What?" he spluttered, eyes wide. "No. I do not have feelings for Mr. Uptight." 

Natasha looks on in bemusement. "Your fierce denial makes me think maybe you do, and you just won't admit it to yourself. Besides, you wouldn't act so heatedly if you were 100% sure. Unless you`re a homophobe?"

Tony gapes at her. "What? No! I`m not a- just, no. I don't like Steve, I`m not a homophobe- for Christ`s sake I'm not even gay!"

Natasha looks at him incredulously. "You think I haven't noticed that fact that you do pick up guys in bars? Or that your type seems to be blondes? You can't tell me you're not just a little curious."

Tony blushes deeply. He really hadn`t thought anyone had noticed that he'd occasionally bring a man home. Guess he was wrong about yet another thing. "W-Well, those things may be true but I definitely don't feel that way for Steve!"

Natasha rises, shrugging. "Whatever you say, Tony. You can't deny it for long, though. You can't bottle up your emotions or you end up, say, punching someone in the face. But this time it'd be more like making out with our poor Steve, and I'm not sure that he's ready for that." With that, Natasha leaves Tony to his own devices.

Tony stares into space for a few minutes, and then rises on wobbly legs. He's not attracted to that oaf, is he? No, it can't be possible.

But he doesn't know anything anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”  
> ― Ernest Hemingway

Tony tries to go back to work after Natasha's little visit to him, but he can't concentrate and ends up frying some wiring because of it. He fixes his mistakes quickly and quits for the day, determining to get as much work done tomorrow as he can.

He retires to his couch, sprawling onto it.

Dummy whirs softly, and Tony smiles.

"Hey buddy," he murmurs.

Dummy whirs again, but, if it was possible, looks happier.

But in the silence left over from not working or talking to anyone, Tony is alone with his thoughts, which is a place he really doesn't want to be right now.

But before he has too much time to think, JARVIS tells him that the Avengers have been called out.

Tony sighs, and gets up. Just another day on the job, he supposes.

...

An hour later found Tony in the co-pilot seat of the Quinjet, watching Steve as often as he could without being caught, which was, admittedly, almost the whole ride, since Steve wouldn't even spare a glance at him. Even when Steve addressed the whole team, none of his words were angled specifically at Tony.

It was... annoying, to say the least. But also a tad refreshing.

Tony could definitely see the attraction of Steve, he'd thought distantly as he ran his eyes over the blonde's profile. Sure, he had the cowl on so Tony couldn't see all of his face, but he could see enough to know that Steve was definitely attractive.

Tony's eyes wandered slowly down Cap`s body, noting how fit he was, probably lingering too long, because Steve actually said something to him.

"Tony," he said in a clipped voice.

And the Stark, thinking Steve was paying attention to where he was going, continued to stare, and mumbled something along the lines of, "Yeah, what`s up?"

"You're making me uncomfortable with your... staring."

Tony quickly snapped his eyes away from Steve, and cleared his throat awkwardly, feeling a bit red in the face. "Uh, sorry, I was just... um, scientific stuff?"

Steve shook his head, sighing. "Just do'`t."

Tony nodded quickly, gulping. He hoped Steve wouldn't have one of his "talks" with him about this, but then remembered that Steve doesn't really... talk to him.

Soon after that, the Quinjet landed, and Tony rushed out of it, looking around, trying to seeing what trouble had spawned and was important enough to drag Tony away from his workshop.

It wasn't anything really important, more of a nuisance for SHIELD that they told the Avengers to take care of.

Sometimes Tony hated SHIELD.

...

Tony had returned to his workshop as soon as they'd returned to the Avengers Mansion, got his armor off, and went back to work. 

After an unknown amount of time, JARVIS spoke up.

"Master Rogers is at the door."

Tony waves his hand dismissively. "Yeah, okay let them in," he murmurs distractedly, and then JARVIS' words sink in.

Tony freezes, staring down at his current project.

A polite coughing brings his attention to the... sweaty, tall, hot- oh lord.

Tony forces his eyes to Steve's face, and swallows with some difficulty. "Just get back from a run?" he asks, his mouth dry.

Steve shakes his head. "Just got done in the gym. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. It's about the, uh, staring. Tony. You're doing it now."

Tony blinks, dragging his eyes back to Steve's. "Sorry. You're just... a bit... ungh," Tony makes an embarrassing noise.

Steve stiffens, crossing his arms over his front. "I would just like to make it clear that I am not... Gay."

Tony blinks again, tilting his head to the side a bit. "Really? Not even... Not even a little?" He hates himself for sounding so desperate.

Steve's jaw tightens. "Not even a little, and your staring makes me very uncomfortable so I would appreciate it if you would just stop."

Tony's eyes start to wander again but he manages to keep them on Steve's face."I, uh, I'm not sure that I can do that, Steve."

The blonde's eyebrows quirk up a bit. "Oh? Why not?"

Tony can feel himself salivating just a bit. "Oh my god. I'm so attracted to you." It stuns Tony, just a bit, and he stares at the floor with his realization. "I'm attracted to... Steve?"

He slowly raises his eyes back to the piercing blues that are staring at him as if he just confessed to murdering someone in cold blood. Steve's lips move, but Tony can't hear what he's saying over the ringing in his ears. He tries to focus on reading his lips, but it's hard to do when he's so easily distracted by the shape of them, imagining what they'd feel like on his.

With a jolt, he realizes what he'd been doing, and jumps to his feet. "You should- oh my god I'm- Steve you should go. Please just... leave."

Steve doesn't hesitate to do so, getting the hell out of there, but before he exits the workshop, Tony manages to catch his words. "I told you I'm not gay, Stark."

Tony tenses, and his eyes move as if he's reading something quickly but he's looking at nothing and it feels as if his brain has overloaded and he doesn't know what's happening and oh god he's attracted to Steve why Steve of all people he doesn't understand and- Tony. Get a hold of yourself. You're thinking in run-on sentences. 

Tony breathes in, puts his hands out in front of him, touching his thumbs together, and gets a grip. He'd never have a chance with Steve. He might have had chances with any of those endless one-night-stands but now he feels like he doesn't- shouldn't- have a chance with anyone. He doesn't deserve Steve. He doesn't deserve Pepper, or Rhodey, or Happy, or Steve, or JARVIS, or Dummy, or Steve, or Natasha, or Steve. He does not deserve Steve.

His attraction towards Steve made him uncomfortable. Him, meaning, of course, Steve. Maybe himself a little bit. Yes, Tony would admit it. Being attracted to Steve bothered him. He has to get this off of his mind. He can't dwell on this, because Tony Stark doesn't allow his attraction to last until he's done with whoever he's attracted to, and he is done with Steve. That much was obvious.

Tony, stop. You're dwelling. You need to take a step back, and think for a second. What do you need to stop thinking about this hopeless situation?

Ah! There it is. It's solved his problems before.

Sex.

He asks JARVIS for the time.

"6:37 p.m., sir," JARVIS informs him.

Tony nods. Just a few hours, then he can get all of this off his mind.

...

Tony looks around the bar, totally in his element, a predator searching for prey. He wants a young blonde, pretty, but not prettier than he. He sees several of those, but none seem to really capture his attention.

Finally, his eyes land on one. And it just so happens to be a man. Who is making eyes at him. And yes Tony is interested.

He flashes the man a small smile, beckoning him with his eyes. The man smirks back, and rises, disappearing momentarily into the crowd. After a surprisingly short amount of time, he appears beside Tony, and his deep voice speaks next to his ear.

"Is this seat taken?"

Tony barely glances at him as he nods, gesturing for him to sit.

They begin talking, sharing smiles, looks that portray their want.

The man's hand rests on Tony`s thigh, and Tony glances down at it, and his fingers tighten around his drink, his teeth clench, and his toes curl.

Because around a certain finger there's a lighter band of skin.

Now, there are many lows Tony would stoop to, but he won't, under any circumstances, sleep with a married man- or woman, for that matter. He knows what it's like to be betrayed in such a way, and perhaps he wasn't married when it happened, but he still knows.

And, for some reason, that seems to clear his head.

So he stands sharply, and smiles in (what is he hopes is) an apologetic manner.

"Y'know, suddenly I feel as if I'm making a mistake. Perhaps you should go home to your wife, or husband? You're making a mistake, too." He pours his disdain into the look he gives the man, and keeps his apologetic smile on his face, before turning and walking away crisply. His smile disappears, replaced by an angry frown, and his hands curl into fists at his sides.

The cold night air seems to slap even more sense into him, and he wonders incredulously what he was even thinking coming here and doing this. Sometimes Tony Stark makes stupid decisions, and this is definitely one of them.

He hasn't had too much to drink, so he manages to drive himself back to the Avengers Mansion, and enters quietly so as not to wake his sleeping teammates.

What he doesn't expect is Steve's voice.

"Stark?"

Tony nearly jumps out of his skin, and whirls to face the blonde.

His head is tilted slightly to the side, and he has the newspaper in his hands. Seriously, who even reads newspapers anymore?

"I didn't expect you to come home tonight." His voice makes it obvious what he thought Tony was going to do.

Tony is a bit confused. "But you stayed up to wait for me anyways?" He feels a slight thrill at that thought.

Steve seems to take offense at this, for some odd reason, and straightens in his chair, glaring at Tony. "No, I simply couldn't sleep."

And just like that Tony feels that weight back on him. "Yeah," he murmurs, sounding... vulnerable, to Steve's surprise.

Steve stares at Tony for a second or two, before asking, "Are you okay?"

Tony straightens as much as he can, and tries to smile confidently as he says, "I'm Tony fucking Stark, why wouldn't I be okay?"

Steve simply blinks at him, obviously not believing him but still uncomfortable around him, so he lets it drop. "So where were you, if not at the bar 'picking up' women?"

Tony ran a hand through his hair. "I was at the bar, I just didn't do any 'picking up.'"

Steve raises an eyebrow. "Feel free not to answer but, why not?" He finds he's genuinely curious.

Tony's lip curls, and he suddenly looks angry. "I ran into a married person who was out prowling. It kind of ruined it for me. Damn, I hate it when people in relationships do shit like that."

Well this is new. Steve never knew Tony felt so strongly about that. "It isn't very considerate to their significant other, is it?" Steve muses.

Tony nods furiously, his hands gesturing something like, 'I know, right?!' "I can't believe they`d do that! I mean, if they're lucky enough to be in a loving, committed relationship why would they ever need more? It just boggles my mind. And I know you probably think, 'well he's ended more relationships than I can count, slept with far too many people, and doesn't really get an opinion since he's done exactly what they've done,' but I would never, ever, ever do something like that. I end relationships if they don't work, I sleep to fill the- actually, nevermind." His fury had suddenly vanished as he started getting into deeper subjects. He wasn't ready for these talks. Damn he needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. It must just be the alcohol.

Steve was stunned. This wasn't the Tony Stark he knew. The pompous, arrogant twat that broke countless hearts and couldn't hold a relationship and was so extremely two-dimensional it was hard to see him if he turned but... This was the real Tony Stark. This Tony was passionate and he knew what he believed in and he was... vulnerable. The real Tony Stark was so vulnerable and empty, and realizing this made Steve feel bad for him, somehow. He never thought he'd be able to feel bad for Tony. But now he does, and, he must admit, it feels really... weird.

Tony looks so tired now, almost as if he's about to pass out, and Steve decides to help him out.

Tony is surprised when a warm arm casually slides underneath his shoulders to support him. Tony is extremely surprised when that arm supports him all the way up to his room, and then gently sets him on his bed. And he feels a warmth in his chest when the hand connected to that arm drops sleeping clothes next to him, and when it and its partner pull his nice jacket off.

"You should sleep, Tony. Change into these, and go to sleep. It's been a long day." The voice creates a light, fluttery feeling in his stomach, and he isn't sure whether to hate or love that feeling.

Tony finds it hard to speak past the tightness in his throat, so he hopes his eyes and smile can convey his gratitude.

He thinks perhaps they've done an adequate job as blue eyes and full lips smiles back at him.

Then his door shuts softly, and Tony is still smiling. They definitely just shared a moment, and without a doubt, both of them will always remember that moment for one reason.

In that moment, they began to trust one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so not as long as the first chapter, but I really enjoyed writing this one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”  
> ― Elbert Hubbard

Tony Stark is not a morning person, especially when he's been stressed recently, so it's very odd to wake up in a good mood. But Tony does, and he decides right then that this good of a mood should not be permitted before noon.

He gets out of bed, showers, brushes his teeth, changes into everyday clothing, and goes downstairs. Steve is the only one down there, and he's watching some sort of show on the History channel, and he looks intensely focused on it. That silly fluttering feeling returns to Tony's stomach, and he decides he needs to get out of there.

So Tony tries not to draw Steve's attention as he grabs a muffin from the kitchen and slips down to his workshop. He eats the baked good thoughtfully, trying to sort out his feelings. He's never really had a problem with these stupid little flutters, except for... when he was a child, and got those same flutters every time he... saw Captain America.

Damn it.

...

Tony doesn't get any work done, instead stressing the hell out about his ridiculous feelings.

This isn't like Tony at all, to worry about something as stupid as this, to stress and freak out over emotions. It was totally new to him, and he didn't like it at all. Not one bit. Okay, maybe just a tad. Maybe that fluttery feeling did feel kind of good? No, Tony. It didn't feel good. It felt bad. Very bad. Wrong.

And a small voice in the back of his head whispered to him. _It only feels wrong because you know he'll never see you the way you see him. He'll never get that fluttery feeling because of you. You aren't **worthy** of those flutters._

Tony agreed with that voice.

...

The music was entirely too loud. Even Steve could hear it, up in the living room, and he didn't like the racket, it kept him from his program. So, with irritation written in his every action, he descends the stairs down into Tony`s area. JARVIS lowers the volume of the music by a bit, enough so that Tony would be able to hear him, but the stubborn billionaire pretends not to have heard him. So JARVIS simply turns the music off.

"Master Rogers is at the door."

Tony turns around to look at Steve through the glass door, debating. Finally he murmurs his consent for JARVIS to let him in.

Steve enters, and gives Tony a look. "You'll destroy your ears, listening to such loud music."

Tony snorts derisively. "What are you, my mother?"

Steve sighs quietly. "No, and I wouldn't want to be."

Tony's eyes narrow a bit. "What does that mean? Are you insulting my mom?"

Steve simply looks at him for a few tense, silent moments, before replying. "No. That isn't what I was saying."

Tony's itching for a fight, anything to get his mind off of his stupid flutter-feels. "Then what were you saying, Rogers?"

Steve's deadpan look stops Tony for an instant, but his voice ratchets up his frustration level. "I was simply saying that I would not enjoyed putting up with you as a child, seeing how frustrating you are now, as an adult."

Tony shoots to his feet, and his stance is challenging, his shoulders pushed back a bit, his chin tilted upwards, his feet planted slightly apart and his fists clenched. "So it was an insult aimed at me, was it?"

"No- Tony, you're taking all of this the wrong way."

Tony takes a step forward. "How am I supposed to take it, then? Huh, Steve? What do you want me to get out of this? Pray tell!"

Steve just looks at him for a long second. "I think you're a bit... tense. I'll just go."

Tony lurches forward at those words, propelling himself across the distance separating him and Steve, and seizes Steve by the fabric of his tight shirt, and his eyes are wide, mere inches from Steve's, and there`s panic there. "Please don't leave," Tony whispers, and Steve can feel his hot breath on his face.

Steve, not knowing what to do, gently puts his hand on Tony's shoulder, and Tony hums at the touch, leaning into it a little, and his eyes beg Steve to stay, to not leave him alone.

Steve finally speaks again. "Tony, is this," he gestures to the grabbing with his free hand, "because of what you said yesterday? That you're attract- ahem- attracted to me?"

Tony shrugs, and for a split second Steve swears he looks lost, before releasing Steve, stepping away from him. "I... I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. You... You should go."

But Steve makes no move to leave, his hand still placed on Tony`s shoulder. "We should talk about this. About your... feelings for me."

Tony shakes his head just a little. "That's not a good idea, Steve."

Steve smiles, a bit tightly, going for understanding but stern. "We have to talk about this, Tony."

Tony looks away for a moment, it's very hard to concentrate when Steve is touching him, when that touch sends the flutters into a frenzy. Tony nods. They do have to talk about this. His eyes slide back to Steve's.

"So you need to understand that I'm not-" Steve begins.

Tony makes a face. "Yeah, yeah, I know, you're not gay, or attracted to me. I understand a no when I get one, Steve."

Steve nods. "But we also need to talk about why you... why it isn't good for you to feel this way. I don't have anything against gay people, and, I mean this in the most heterosexual way possible, you are attractive, but I'm your boss, and I only use that word because I don`t have anything better. Work and relationships don't mix well. Isn't that why you broke up with Pepper?"

Tony flinches at mentioning of Pepper. "That was a bit of a low blow, Steve, but, for your information, that isn't why she broke up with me. She worried about me too much, that I would never come back from a mission, and she really started to resent the fact that I was Iron Man. She told me I wasn't the man I used to be, that the suit changed me. But I couldn't give up being Iron Man, so she broke up with me. It broke my heart, but I understood why she did it, and I couldn't- can't- blame her. So she switched our relationship to boss and secretary, but we eventually built our way back to being friends. She stills worries about me, I know that much, but I think it's better now."

Tony's anger is completely dissipated by now, and he just appears sad. Steve wants to hug him, but figures that would probably be counter-productive, so catches himself before he does. He knows he needs to say something, but has no idea what to say. "I didn't mean to bring up... I'm sorry if I made you sad. I didn't mean to. I just... This'll never happen, Tony. Nothing will ever happen here."

The brunette seems to deflate with his words. "I know," he whispers weakly. He tries to paste on that cheeky grin of his, but it seems entirely too forced and painful. "Maybe not here in the workshop, but you didn't say anything about anywhere else." He even manages to choke out a laugh. He scrubs a hand across his face, raking his fingers through his hair before his arm drops back to his side. His smile is real now, but it seems off. "I should get back to work."

Steve nods, even though he hadn't seen Tony getting much work done. "Keep your music down, will you?" Steve asks, smiling at him as he leaves.

Tony nods, smiling back half-heartedly. "JARVIS, start up the music again, would you? At 50% volume?"

"Would you like me to resume from where you left off, sir? Or switch playlists?"

Tony thinks for a second. "Surprise me."

"As you wish, sir."

Soft music begins playing, and for about a minute he doesn't recognize it, and then it clicks. "All by myself, don`t wanna be, all by myself, anymore."

Tony shakes his head. "You're an asshole, JARVIS."

"I don't know what you mean, sir," JARVIS says, but his tone of voice indicates that if he had a mouth to do it, he'd have been smiling.

...

Steve doesn't exactly know what to make of the whole "Tony Stark is attracted to me" fiasco, so he mostly ignores it, but it can get a bit difficult to ignore any of it when Tony looks at him, and all the emotions he tries to hide shine in his eyes. It's like those women who'd always stared at him after he got the serum; he'd never expected another man look at him like that.

What was it about him that was so appealing? The muscles? The face? It must be the muscles. It made him feel like a piece of meat. Only wanted for appearance, nothing more. Is this how Tony felt all the time? Steve saw the way those women were all over him, only interested because he was handsome and had money. His personality certainly didn't have people falling over themselves to please him. But maybe there was more to Tony Stark than he'd originally thought.

Steve shakes himself out of his thoughts, and tries to pay attention to the program he has running on the television, but just can't seem to focus.

With a heavy sigh, he presses the button to turn the television off. Maybe he should go to the gym. Yeah, that's what he'll do. An hour or so in the gym couldn't hurt.

With a smile and a nod he stands from the couch and heads off into the large house.

...

After not being able to get anything done for a long while, Tony decides he should seek Cap out and ask to hang out or something, since he seems to be the only person home.

It takes a while to locate Steve, but Tony eventually finds him exiting a bathroom. He freezes in his tracks when he spots the man, because oh god he's shirtless and he just got out of the shower so he's wet and he's only wearing a pair of shorts that hang low on his hips and Tony just wants to- No!

Tony spins around with a violent action, and his hands clench into fists. This can't be good for his health. This man is going to kill him. You know... if the shrapnel in his chest doesn't do the deed for him.

_You shouldn't be alive. You don't deserve life, after taking so many innocent ones. The **Merchant of Death,** remember?_

Of course he remembers. How could he ever forget? That was even before he became Iron Man. Before the arc reactor. Before the Avengers. (Before Steve.) Before he tried to change his ways. He isn't that anymore. He'll never be that again. That isn't him anymore.

_But it will always be you. You will always be it. There's no escaping your **past,** your **future,** your **present.** You can't escape your **fate.**_

No. But he sure as hell can try.

A gentle touch on his arm startles him from his thoughts. He turns to see Steve, looking at him with a concerned expression. "Tony?" his soft voice asks.

Tony gives him a fake smile. "Steve?"

Cap scans Tony`s face, registering that there's a problem, but not being able to recognize it. "What's wrong, Tony?"

Tony opens his mouth as if he's going to tell him, but something flashes in his eyes, and his mouth closes. He shakes his head. "There's no problem."

Steve wants to press. He wants to know what's wrong. He... he actually does care. No matter what Tony considers them to be, Steve would like to believe that after all the utter shit they've been through, they could be called friends now. And Steve Rogers takes care of his friends. So he has to know.

"Tony," his voice is cold. "Tell me what's wrong, and don't try to feed me your crap about being alright, because you aren't."

Tony looks like he wants to protest this, but after a moment he just sags against the wall, his hand going to run through his hair. He looks up and meets Steve's gaze with a helpless grin. "Where do I start? I'm responsible for who knows how many deaths. I push everyone who cares about me away. I have a voice in my head that makes me hate myself, and while on that, I think I'm going crazy. There's too much wrong with me to really put it all to words, but, as of right now, at this very moment, the worst part is that... I'm attracted to you, you know this. But you keep... doing these things that just drive me crazy because I think I'm developing feelings for you? And that normally doesn't happen and it terrifies me, and you're just too kind for your own good because you make me think someone actually cares about me and I've been living for so long just thinking that everyone around me was only interested because of my money, or my looks, but... you." Tony`s face is heartbreakingly hopeless. "You make me believe again, and I haven't done anything like that since before... before Afghanistan. I'm scared of feeling this stuff, Steve, because feeling means that I really do have a heart, that Pepper wasn't wrong." He seems completely closed off now, like he's stopped his emotions. "I think I'd be better off if she had been wrong about me."

Steve can't help himself as he wraps his arms around Tony, and pulls him into a warm hug. He's silent for a long time, just lending Tony his strength, giving him whatever comfort he can offer. "Thank you, Tony." Steve can sense Tony`s question, even before it escapes his lips. "For trusting me."

Tony lets himself just melt into the hug, not actually hugging back, but relaxing into it, allowing Steve to hold him up and just... be there for him. "It's not so much trust as just an overwhelming need to get this shit off my shoulders."

Steve smiles. "Call it what you want, Stark. Trust is healthy. This is good for you. For both of us. Now I can help you to the best of my abilities, because I know what's wrong."

Tony chuckles dryly into Steve`s shoulder. "You don't give up, do you?"

Steve tenses imperceptibly. The last time someone had spoken those words, it had been on much less friendly terms, and then Steve had lost everything he'd ever known. But Tony doesn't know that, and he doesn't need anything else on his conscious. Steve will use his superhuman strength to support them both. He'll carry the weight of two worlds on his shoulders. He'll be Tony's Atlas, because that's what he needs.

So with a smile and a confident tone he replies to his friend, "Never."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I re-watched Captain America, and actually watched the first two Iron Man movies for the first time. Yes, that's right, I'd never seen them before. Sue me. I was basing his personality solely on what I saw in The Avengers, and what my friends told me (they are obsessed with RDJ, un/fortunately.) Perhaps now I'll get their experiences and personalities correct?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse...and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.”  
> ― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

It was oddly domestic, watching the other Avengers return from a day out.

Clint, Thor, and Bruce were loaded down with shopping bags, and Natasha only had her purse to deal with. She flashed the pair on the couch a smile as she told the other boys where to put all of the groceries. Tony watched in amusement as Thor tried to figure out what a pantry was; he had to bite his fist to keep from laughing when Bruce almost dropped a watermelon; he broke when Clint got a plastic bag wrapped around his feet and fell into Natasha; he ran away down to his workshop when Natasha turned to him furiously.

Tony spent a few hours down in his workshop, mostly piddling about and searching up random shit on Google, but he actually did get a little bit of work done.

When he returns upstairs, it appears that the Avengers are having a sort of movie night. They're all laughing along to some cheesy movie, and seeing this causes Tony`s own smile to fade. They're all having such a good time without him.

He looks away as he moves to the staircase across the room, feeling sad and tired and just wanting to go to bed.

Steve`s voice gets his attention. "Tony, do you want to watch this movie with us?"

Tony turns to look at him, and he smiles sadly. "I, uh, I think I'll just go on to bed, actually. Thank you for the offer, though." He continues to the staircase, walking up and down the hall to his room.

Tony flops onto his bed, and sighs. He lays in the darkness for a little while, completely silent.

His door opens, letting in light, and someone enters, before closing the door again.

The mattress sinks down where someone sits, and Tony is silent for a little while longer, until he reaches his hand out and touches a shoulder. Broad. He pokes at their bicep. Muscular. Must be Steve. Or Thor. But probably Steve.

"What brings you here, Steve?" Tony asks.

Steve looks slightly worried. "Why don't you want to watch that movie with us?"

Tony sighs. "I'm tired."

Steve raises his eyebrows in a skeptical manner. "Really? You sure it isn't because you don't feel that you belong? Because you do. We'd love for you to join us, Tony."

Tony closes his eyes. "Maybe I don't want to watch that movie? You thought about that?"

Steve goes silent, and when Tony finally opens his eyes he finds Steve just watching him quietly. He doesn`t speak while Tony opens and closes his mouth several times like he wants to talk, he just stares at Tony, his expression unfamiliar to Tony.

"What is it?" Tony finally manages to ask.

Steve smiles. "Nothing. Just... observing."

Tony smiles back. "Well, you-"

The door bangs open. "Alright, ladies, are you gonna watch this movie with us or not?" Clint demands.

Tony jolts away, taken by surprise, and glares at Clint. "Damn it, Clint. You can`t do that! You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack!"

Clint inclines his head a bit, quickly scanning Tony`s chest. "I find it hard to believe you still have a heart."

Ouch.

Steve stands, and glances back at Tony. "You're sure?"

Tony nods. "I'll just go on to sleep, thanks."

Steve opens his mouth, hesitates, then smiles. "Goodnight, Tony."

Tony nods again, and turns over, away from the door. After a moment, it shuts quietly.

Tony stares at his ceiling for a long time, until long after he hears the movie end and the others go to bed.

It's only then he allows himself to drift off into a restless sleep.

...

Steve wakes up with the strange feeling that something important is going to happen today.

It's a feeling he hasn't had in a long time, and it makes him very wary. The last time he had this feeling was the day he'd gotten onto that plane... the day he'd stopped Hydra.

He gets out of bed, and for some reason it's difficult this morning. He feels like something is weighing him down.

He shakes his head in the hopes to clear it, and goes to get ready for his morning run.

When he gets downstairs he finds Clint standing at the stove, making breakfast. Steve immediately makes the decision to eat out this morning. Clint's cooking is terrible.

So with a nod to the sharp-eyed man, Steve heads out, already started on his normal route that will take him all around the neighborhood and local park before returning him home.

...

Around an hour later he returns to the Avengers Mansion to find everyone out on the lawn.

Curious, he approaches, and Tony's eyes find him.

"Steve! You get up early! Was anyone in the kitchen this morning when you left?" the genius demands.

Steve is a bit confused, but nods. "Yeah. Clint was making breakfast."

Tony whirls to Clint. "God damn it, Clint! I knew it was you!"

Steve lays a hand on Tony's shoulder, urging him to calm down silently, but his touch seems to rile him up further.

"This idiot started a damn fire! How do you start a fire making pancakes?!" Tony yells.

Clint sighs. "Steve, it appears you've gone and gotten me into a pickle here. Listen, I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't know that that would happen!"

Tony's arms flail about wildly in his wrath, dislodging Steve's hand, and he almost smacks Steve, too. "Why do you even try cooking? Everything you create makes me want to shove a fork down my throat! It's horrendous!"

Clint crosses his arms over his chest, and he looks faintly hurt. "I was just trying to do something nice for you guys."

Tony splutters incomprehensibly for a moment or two, before calming himself just enough to be coherent. "Just don't, then! We could all live without your fucking shitty food! In fact, knowing you, you would've managed to fuck up the pancakes as well, so maybe I should be glad that you set the goddamn kitchen on fire and burned the lot of them!"

Steve is getting a bit annoyed at Tony now, and his hand is heavy on Tony's shoulder. "Tony." His voice is as hard as steel, and his eyes are ice chips. 

Tony lets up with his ranting and spitting just long enough to turn on the super-soldier and glare at him, his voice still filled with vehemence when he talks. "What do you want?"

"Calm down," Steve orders, his voice switching to Captain America instead of Steve Rogers.

Tony's lip curls. "Or what, Captain? You'll have me court-martialed for insubordination?" he snarls.

Steve's jaw tightens, just barely, but enough. "No. But you're making a scene. We are in relative public, remember? Wouldn't want bad publicity, would we?"

For some reason that seems to ground Tony, and he shakes himself, sighing. "No, I suppose not," he murmurs.

A fireman appears from inside the house, and Steve wonders vaguely how he hadn't noticed the truck. He crosses the lawn to the group, and glances at Tony once before speaking. "The damage isn't that bad. It didn't really have time to spread from the stove, but the stove will have to be replaced."

Tony hears this, and throws his hands up in exasperation. "Great! See what you did, Clint? I'm not made of mon- actually I am, never mind. I retract my previous statement, but the point still stands that you fucked up. Just... do me and my elevated stress levels a favor and don't cook anymore? Wouldn't want you to cause another fire by making more pancakes or- heaven forbid- a grilled cheese!" Tony slings an arm out randomly to express that his anger is definitely still present, and then sighs. "So who wants to go stove shopping?" he asks, brightening and clapping his hands together.

The Avengers all look at each other expectantly, but no-one volunteers.

Tony looks disappointed for a split second before spreading his arms invitingly. "Come on, guys! If nobody comes with me you know I'll pick one that nobody else is happy with."

After some more looking around, Steve feels bad for Tony and steps forward a bit. "I'll go with you, Stark. I probably use it the most anyways. Wouldn't want you to get something too technologically advanced for me, right?" he says with a laugh. Tony's look seems to be grateful, but Steve knows he'd never admit that. "Just let me shower first, yeah?" Steve claps Tony's shoulder as he starts toward the front door.

Tony, seemingly on instinct, trails along behind Steve, looking just a little lost.

Out of pity for him, Steve hurries up, and within thirty minutes they're heading out.

And that`s how Steve ends up spending his day stove-shopping with Tony Stark.

...

When they return home, Tony and Clint bicker about the stove and cooking privileges, and it eventually dissolves into wrestling around the living room. Thor come downstairs eventually, and his eyes find them immediately.

"Oh! We are playing a wrestling game! Allow me to join you, Man of Iron and Eye of Hawk!" Without waiting for them to answer, he dives into them, bringing them all down to the floor.

They wrestle around for a while before Bruce come to see what all the racket is, and Thor charges over to him. "Green One! Participate in our game!"

Tony and Clint begin to argue, but Bruce interrupts them by declining. "I, uh, don't think that would be a very good idea. Y'know, what with him lurking around and all. I'll sit this one out."

He crosses the room over to where Steve and Natasha watch them play-fight amusedly.

They watch the trio fight for a while longer, before Natasha sighs suddenly, shaking her head.

Steve tilts his head a bit to look at her without taking his eyes off of the boys. "What's wrong, Natasha?"

She smiles. "Nothing's wrong. I just feel like we're the only adults here sometimes."

There's silence for a moment, aside from an occasional yelp from the fighters, before Bruce speaks. "It seems that way, doesn't it? You two could be the disapproving parents, and I could be... I don't know, the uncle who mooches off all of you and lives here 'indefinitely' but everyone knows is never leaving?"

Steve chuckles at that. "Something like that, yeah."

They take their eyes off of their 'children' for a moment to share an amused look, and then there's a cry from the wrestlers.

"Ow! Damn it, Thor! You're not supposed to punch!" Tony yelled, one hand over his nose. "Damn this hurts. I think you broke my nose, you big oaf!"

"I apologize, Man of Iron. It is sometimes difficult to remember how fragile you mortals are." Thor sounds genuinely apologetic.

Steve goes over to Tony, peeling his hand away from his face and inspecting the damage. "It might not be broken, but it sure is bleeding. Come with me, Tony."

Tony follows along behind Steve, who leads him to a bathroom, and digs around in a cabinet for a washcloth. He turns the sink on and runs the cloth under the water, before turning to Tony, who's seated himself on the counter. Steve lightly slaps Tony's hands away from his face, and takes his chin, tilting his head up a bit to gain better access under his nose. He dabs at the blood, and is careful when wiping it from around Tony's nostrils. He checks his work, and nods, mostly satisfied, and sets the rag down. He looks over Tony's lips, checking for damage, and finds that they aren't split.

Steve turns his attention to Tony's arms next, and looks them over, finding several small bumps and bruises and the occasional cut, for some reason. He eventually finds a relatively small, but deep cut just above Tony's right elbow, and cocks his eyebrow at him. "How'd this happen?" he asks.

Tony looks down at it. "Not sure. I don't even know when I got that."

Steve sighs, and inspects it a bit closer. If he doesn't do something to it, it'll probably get infected, so he reaches behind Tony to the medicine cabinet, barely noticing their proximity until he feels Tony's breath on his shoulder. Steve almost jumps away from him, but reigns himself in, and grabs the antibiotic ointment and the Band-Aids from the cabinet.

He avoids Tony's eyes as he screws the lid off of the tube of ointment, and puts a dab onto the Band-Aid he'd grabbed which was, coincidentally, a Captain America one. He gently puts the Band-Aid on Tony's wound, smoothing it over, and then he looks up at Tony.

His dark brown eyes are watching Steve, and there's some unknown emotion in there.

"Tony?" Steve asks quietly.

"Yeah," Tony breathes, and is it just Steve or do his pupils dilate a bit?

The next thing Steve knows Tony is leaning in, going for his lips, and Steve is pulling away, so instead of his lips, Tony kisses his shoulder. Steve is possibly even more freaked out by this, and scrambles away from Tony, backing up against the wall several feet away.

Steve swallows heavily. "Tony," he pants, shaking his head. "No. W-We've talked about this. Nothing is going to happen between us!"

Tony seems to be analyzing him, and slides off of the counter, turning and putting away the bandages and antibiotic ointment before turning back to Steve. "Dilated pupils, panting, I'd say accelerated pulse, and looking so incredibly kissable." 

Steve is confused. "What?"

Tony smiles, but it's cold. "You seem to want to kiss me, Steve. You know I want to kiss you, so what's stopping us?"

Steve stares at him silently, mouth slightly open, and he seems to be a bit... afraid. "I'm not gay." The words come out in a rush, but Steve definitely doesn't look so confident when he says it.

Tony tilts his head, that smile still on his face, and begins to advance.

Steve freezes instantly, his eyes widening, before bolting away, out of the room in the blink of an eye.

He flees back to the living room, where the other Avengers are trying to decide between ordering pizza or Chinese food. At Steve's sudden entrance, they look up, and the guys just look at him for a second before going back to their discussion, but Natasha takes his appearance in, and her eyes widen a fractional amount. Then she's out of her seat, going to Steve, entering his personal space, and her eyes flit over his face, reading him.

"What did Tony do?" she asks, her tone demanding an answer.

"W-Well, he, uh, he's made his, um, his attraction to me very c-clear, and he, um, he tried to, uh... kiss me," Steve stammers, looking anywhere but at Natasha.

Natasha sighs in frustration. "Damn it, Stark," she curses quietly. She steps away, and shakes her head a bit. "I'll talk to him," she murmurs, and heads off down to the bathroom Steve had cleaned Tony up in.

Steve can't help but feel he just condemned Tony to a horrible fate.

...

"Damn it, Tony!" Natasha growls as soon as she enters the room, closing the door behind him. "What the hell? I told you to try not to kiss Rogers!"

Tony makes a helpless gesture. "It isn't my fault he's so damn irresistible!"

Natasha glares at him. "You can control yourself, Stark. He isn't ready for this. He's barely been in this new world. It was only a little while ago he was in the 1940's, a time when homophobia was rampant, and being gay could get you kicked out of the military! You have to remember that, Tony. He's not used to all of this. You can't just spring your gayness onto him like that!"

Tony snaps his head up to look at her indignantly. "Hey! I'm not gay!"

"Then you can't just spring your bisexuality on him like that!" Natasha corrects, scowling.

Tony sighs. "Why can't I just... have him?"

Natasha wipes a hand across her face. "He just isn't ready. If he returns your feelings, he'll eventually let you know, but you can't rush things, or you'll scare him away. You'll have to be prepared to do some waiting. Can you be patient for once in your life?"

Tony is quiet for a long time. Such a long time that Natasha thinks he isn't even going to answer, and starts to leave. But she catches his voice, soft and defeated as she goes.

"Yeah. I'll wait for him."

Natasha doesn't respond, but smiles to herself as she exits the bathroom.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “One morning, about four o'clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, 'Why am I out on the highway this time of night?' I was miserable, and it all came to me: 'I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with. I can't fall in love with this man, but it's just like a ring of fire.”  
> ― June Carter Cash

The Avengers are called in to SHIELD headquarters early the next morning, 

Tony is especially mad about this because their stove comes in this afternoon and he needs to be there to sign off on it and help them set it up.

But they're still sent on the mission, and here they are now, with Tony sulking in the co-pilot's seat of the Quinjet while Steve flies it.

"I hope we get back before my stove arrives," Tony grumbles.

Steve smiles, but doesn't look over at the genius. "You're such a child, Tony."

Tony frowns and crosses his arms, turning away from Steve. "I don't see why you're all against me."

Steve sighs, his smiles dropping. "Not this again, Tony. We're on a mission, you'll have time to rant about how unfair life is later."

Tony mock-gasps. "Why Steve! How very un-Captain America of you to say such a thing!"

Steve's jaw tightens just a bit. "Everyone has a limit."

Tony scowls. "Everyone has a limit," he mocks.

Steve glances over at him, his eyebrows furrowed. "What's up with you today?"

Tony rolls his head to look at Steve, and smiles innocently, but still manages to make it cruel. "Why, whatever do you mean, Captain?"

Steve shakes his head, and sighs. "Tony, you're being such a child. And if you act like a child I'll treat you like one."

Tony's smile morphs into something suggestive. "Oh you will?" His voice has gone low, husky. "Are you gonna spank me for misbehaving? I think I'd like that, Cap."

Steve stiffens, and his expression closes. He doesn't respond to that, and he stares silently ahead.

Natasha, having heard all this, leans into the cockpit and grabs Tony, dragging him away and to the back of the Quinjet.

Clint, seeing that they were about to have a serious talk, gets up and goes to sit with Thor and Bruce, near the front.

"What the hell, Tony? Are you trying to push him away?" Natasha hisses.

Tony clenches his jaw, and shakes his head. "I can't wait anymore."

"It hasn't even been a day," she says flatly. 

Tony shakes his head. "No, Natasha. I've... never mind. Now isn't the time."

Natasha narrows her eyes at Tony, and grabs his arms, squeezing until he looks back at her. "We're talking about this later, then. You can't run away from this, Tony."

Tony nods. "I know. I'm done running."

Natasha smiles tightly. "I'm proud of you."

Tony's heart lurches at her words, but he doesn't let her know that, just smile back, and nods, returning to the front of the Quinjet where Cap continues to ignore him. Tony kind of regrets his teasing, but he'll never apologize, not when Steve is... doing these things to him without even fucking knowing it.

But Tony can't dwell on that right now, they're on a mission.

And we all know that Tony is extremely excited for all of his missions for SHIELD.

...

Now, some would say that the mission didn't go badly, but that's a matter of opinion. Sure, they didn't lose anyone, but Tony's suit got wrecked so badly that he couldn't move, and so Steve and Thor had to carry him back to the Quinjet since Bruce declared he wasn't up to shifting back just to lug Tony around.

So Tony just lays in the floor, his muscles cramping up, stuck in the damn suit, until they get back to SHIELD HQ, where some people have to bust him out.

Tony frowns when he looks at the ruined suit, but at least now he has something to really dedicate time to, instead of stressing out and not getting anything done.

Tony tries to hurry everyone along, wanting to get to work on his new suit. He has some really good ideas for it, but is being forced to wait because his team can't hurry up and get home.

Then he gets what is possibly the best idea ever. He'll go back to Malibu for a while, like a vacation. It'll give him time to sort everything out, work on his new suit, and he won't have to have that talk with Natasha about feelings.

He is much more quiet about wanting to go home after he gets his brilliant idea.

...

Natasha planned on giving Tony the rest of the day to just hang out, do what he wants, but the next day she'd jump on him, force him to talk to her.

At least, that was what she had planned. She never expected him to fly the coop, just take off in the middle of the night, leaving only a note for them saying he'd gone to Malibu for a little while to work on his suit in a comfortable, familiar environment.

Damn it, Tony.

...

Tony steps into his Malibu house, and for some reason that's how he thinks of it, not home, as it used to be, but a house. In fact, as he looks around, he can't really see signs of living. Everything is too neat and clean, too nice for a home. It's so quiet, and for some reason Tony feels lonely already. Because his home is full of sounds and sights and smells and smiles and family. Because even though they still don't look at him that way, they're his family now. But he's here now, and it's too late for those thoughts.

Tony shakes himself mentally, and pauses for a moment, wondering what to do first.

Suit first. But he's gonna have to change into the proper clothes for that.

He heads to his bedroom to gear up.

Twenty minutes later finds him freshly showered and dressed in one of his Black Sabbath t-shirts and just some random-ass pants he threw on. All that really matters is the t-shirt, of course.

He heads down into the workshop, and gets right to work, losing himself in it, blocking out needs like eating and sleeping and forcing out emotions until he's a machine: efficient, relentless, completely in his element.

And for the first time in a while he doesn't have to think, which is a welcome change.

...

Tony makes great headway on the new suit prototype, and only stops working when JARVIS warns him that it really isn't healthy to put off his basic necessities for as long as he has.

Tony rubs at his eyes, and looks around. "JARVIS, what time is it?"

"Six forty-nine a.m., sir," JARVIS responds without missing a beat.

Tony nods once or twice, before deciding he probably should head upstairs and at least eat.

He makes himself ramen noodles, not feeling up to making anything else, and when he's done eating he trudges to bed.

Damn, when he pays attention to his needs he can get really tired.

...

The next day is spent the same way.

And the day after that as well.

In fact, he spends the next four days doing the same thing each and every day, until he's done with the suit, and then he allows himself to rest.

He spends about ten minutes sprawled on his couch enjoying the silence and peace, before his brain kicks in and reminds him about the situation he'll be facing back at the Avengers Mansion.

He'd actually totally forgotten about them. He'd just been so into his work...

But now he has time to sort everything out, and that's what he'll do.

...

It takes him a total of two days to figure out what the hell is going on with him, but he's not sure he's got it totally correct. He's not... He doesn't actually... There are just... He'll have to figure some of this stuff out around Steve. That will have to do.

He figures he should head home soon, but isn't sure he's up to it. He thinks about that for a while. Is he... afraid? To go home? Why would he be afraid to go home? 

Because you don't want to see their disapproval, their dislike of you.

Yeah... that's a pretty good reason.

But he has to go home. He can't stay away forever. He'll go home tomorrow.

He quickly counts up the days he's been gone. Nine days? Maybe ten?

One more day won't hurt anybody.

...

The next day Tony does indeed head home. He spends a lot of time piddling around, trying to delay the inevitable, but eventually he goes down to his workshop, gets into the new suit, and begins his flight back to New York.

It takes several hours, but Tony finally lands. At Stark Tower. He's putting it off again.

Yeah, he'll get around to it, he just has to readjust to New York. Maybe get some shawarma...

He really is afraid of going home, isn't he? Afraid that, after eight or nine days without communication or any kind of sign to let them know he was okay, he would go home, and maybe they'd be having another movie night or something, and Tony would just be intruding on their... family. And they wouldn't have even noticed he was gone, and they wouldn't care, and Tony would go out and get wrecked and make some sort of terrible decision and he really can't do it. He can't put himself through that.

So he'll get drunk here at Stark Tower, and pass out somewhere and then in the morning he'd go to the Avengers Mansion and everything would be okay and he'd go back to being Tony fucking Stark, the obnoxious, most of the time sleep-deprived genius that basically lived in the basement unless they had use of him. Because that's just how things work. They're a family, and Tony is... Tony.

Before Tony can really head down the road to self-deprecation and pity, he picks up a bottle of alcohol, not really caring what it is, and begins to drink, focusing only on the burning and the buzz, and Tony forgets, just for one night.

...

Damn, Tony must have had a lot to drink last night, even for him, which is saying something.

He checks the time. Ten 'til noon.

Okay, he can deal with that. Arrive fashionably late, but he won't make an entrance. Preferably, he'd just slip in and resume life pining after Steve because, who is he kidding anymore that's exactly what he's doing. And he likes that, even though he hates it. Because having a crush on (being completely smitten with) someone is normal, which is what Tony never had a chance to be.

Tony slides on his Hangover Shades (which were on the bar just in case something like this happened) and stands, his bones aching. He passed out on the floor in front of the bar. Tony stares at the empty bottle on the ground, and asks JARVIS to show him the security footage from last night.

Oh. Well then. It appears he only had the only bottle, then he-... he didn't actually cry, those are fake tears, and then he passed out.

Tony takes his Hangover Shades off, slinging them back onto the bar. Well he doesn't have a hangover, that's for sure. So instead of feeling like he'll die of headache, he'll happily just go die of embarrassment. He deletes the security footage, and heads to the bathroom which has a shower in it, and grabs his spare clothes he left here along the way. A+ for thinking ahead, Tony.

...

After Tony is squeaky clean and dressed to the Nines (not really, just his regular t-shirt and random pants combination, but at least he's dressed) he decides he should probably get home.

So he embarks upon the S.S. Elevator, and glides down to the bottom floor of Stark Tower. When he gets out of the metal death-trap (but most would say that about his suit) there's a spring in his step, and Tony Stark Mode is engaged. He's all smiles and happy-go-lucky narcissistic asshole.

At least, until he slides into the backseat of the car he'd told Happy to be waiting on him in. Then his smile disappears and his voice is tired, strained when he tells Happy to take him to the Avengers Mansion.

Happy does as he's asked, unusually quiet, sensing Tony's mood and deciding silence is best.

Finally Happy pulls up to the Avengers Mansion.

Tony feels apprehensive about this whole thing. He stares at the place that's come to be his home, and feels nervous. That shouldn't be a feeling you have when you're home. Of course Tony just chooses to ignore it, and steps out of the car, nodding to Happy and dismissing him.

He walks up to the front door, none of his nerves showing, and then his hand is resting on the doorknob and he can't do this he can't do this he can't do this.

He forces himself to open the door, and he enters slowly, cautiously.

Silence.

He's in the clear.

He breathes a sigh of relief, and closes the door behind him, already on his course down to the workshop.

Then Natasha appears in the kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee, and she looks up silently when Tony freezes, knowing he's been caught.

"Cap's worried sick about you," she says, her voice emotionless, her eyes dead. "He called you about twenty times after you didn't come back five days ago." She shakes her head, looking back down at her coffee. "What the hell were you thinking," she whispers, so softly that Tony barely hears it.

"I, um... I needed some time to myself," Tony murmurs, for some reason feeling very vulnerable.

"Well you couldn't have picked a worse time to run away to Malibu and cut off communication with everyone. We've been busy all week, doing a huge project. It's over now, of course."

Tony nods, not able to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry I missed out."

Natasha shakes her head. "No you aren't."

"You're r-" Tony starts.

"Steve was really worried, Tony. Really, really worried. They all thought you'd died." Now Tony looks at her, and her eyes are blazing.

"You didn't bother correcting them?" Tony asks quietly.

Natasha deflates a bit. "I wasn't sure either."

There's silence for a moment. Then, "You didn't tell them I'd gone to Malibu?"

Natasha sighs. "No, Tony, I didn't tell them you ran away to Malibu so you could throw a pity-party because you're crushing hardcore on Steve."

Tony is silent for another moment, debating whether or not to tell her his thoughts. "I... I think it may be more than a crush now."

Natasha just looks at Tony for a few moments, completely silent, face unreadable. "How serious is it?"

Tony shrugs. "More than a crush but... I don't really know if I'd call it... eh... you know."

Natasha blinks at him. "So, what? Infatuation? Obsession? Attraction?"

Tony shakes his head. "No... More like... I really, really care for him. I really like him, and genuinely care for him. I haven't felt that way since... Pepper."

Natasha continues to stare at him. "You should talk to him. He's probably in the gym."

Tony tilts his head at her, about to argue, but she shoves him away. Her eyes flash, and he puts his hands up defensively. "Okay, okay."

He starts towards the gym, now hearing the sounds of someone punching something.

Tony slips in silently, and watches Steve, punching again and again and again. Tony's eyes begin to wander, and he sees how beautifully muscled Steve is, observes the effect when Steve hits the bag, and finally, with a loud roar/grunt/noise that leaves Tony slightly breathless, Steve's fist connects with the punching bag and sends it flying, the sand bursting out of it and getting everywhere.

"Now see what you done, Captain Spangles? You'll have to clean that up."

Steve whirls around, his eyes wide, and when the bright blue lands on Tony, something flashes in them, and suddenly Steve is rushing forward smiling. "Tony! Are you okay? Where were you? What happened?"

Tony puts his hands up. "Easy there, buckaroo. One question at a time."

Steve's eyes quickly scan Tony for signs of damage. "Are you hurt?"

Tony shakes his head. "No, no. I just... I had to get away from... everything, I suppose. I went to Malibu, kind of cut myself off from the world for a little while. Did some thinking."

Steve's eyes narrow. "Why didn't you tell me? I was worried."

Tony's lips quirk into a smile. "You were worried? For me? I'm touched, Cap."

Steve looks slightly put off by that. "Tony I thought you were dead. Of course I was worried. I had no idea what had happened, you just disappeared and nobody knew where you'd gone and I called you but... You... God, Tony you don't understand how worried I was."

Tony reaches out hesitantly, touching Steve's upper arm. "Why were you so worried? Even if something bad did happen to me, it probably wouldn't be too much of a problem. I'm expendable."

Steve actually flinches back at those words. "Expendable? No, Tony, you are not expendable. We could never replace you."

Tony decides to be daring. "You could never replace me?"

Steve looks away, but finally meets Tony's eyes, and the genius is surprised by the hurt painting the blue. "I've lost enough friends to know that none of them can ever be replaced."

Tony's other hand goes to lay gently on Cap's shoulder.

They stare at each other quietly for a moment, before Steve leans in, and Tony's heart begins to pound. Yes. This is the moment he's been waiting for. It's finally happening.

But instead of Steve's lips, Tony feels Steve's arms, which wrap around him and bring him close, hugging him tightly.

Tony, after a slight hesitation, hugs back.

Steve's voice is right next to his ear when he speaks. "Please never do anything like that again. I was so scared, Tony."

Tony squeezes Steve reassuringly. "Yeah, I won't. I've got everything figured out now."

And that moment, right then, is when Tony really did have it all figured out.

He loved Steve, and everything was right with that word. Love. Just four letters. But it explained this deep, bitter regret/guilt/sadness he felt at making Steve feel this way; it explained this tight, light feeling in his chest as Steve held him; it explained the want, the need to keep Steve forever, and never, ever let him go; it explained the fact that, right in that instant, everything was perfect and exactly as it was supposed to be, and the world was beautiful; it explained the excruciating pain he felt in his heart as he realized that he would have to let Steve go, because he needed better, deserved better than Tony Stark.

That's why Tony Stark doesn't love.

Because love is always painful, and he's a selfish bastard who hates to get hurt.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.”  
> ― Marilyn Monroe

Tony stares at Clint with disbelief on his face.

"How the fuck did you manage this? You're supposed to be smart!" He doesn't even sound mad, just in awe that someone would do something so stupid.

"Thor bet me $100 to stick my hand in the toaster. Not while it was on, of course. Easiest hundred bucks I've made in my life," Clint says, looking quite proud of himself.

Tony's brow furrows a bit. "It takes a special kind of stupid to accomplish this. Seriously, you two, you are children."

"You're one to talk, Mr. I-Have-A-Huge-Crush-On-Captain-America," Clint retorts.

Tony's eyebrows raise. "Oh? How did you manage to come about that information?"

Clint suddenly gets the impression that he's walking on thin ice here. "Oh, uh, just forget I said anything, I was just kidding."

Tony grins. "You were? Just like I'm kidding when I say that I will not hesitate to fry your goddamn hand to a crisp if you don't shut the hell up about it? We're just kidding around? Having a laugh?" His face loses all humor. "I'm not fucking laughing. I'll let you out, idiot, but if you say anything about this conversation to anyone... maybe you should keep an eye open? Wouldn't want a tragic accident to occur where one of Hawkeye's hands got charred because he couldn't keep his lips shut, would we?"

Clint shakes his head vigorously. "No we would not want that. Nobody wants that."

Tony fiddles with the toaster a bit, and it releases Clint's hand. He smiles maliciously at the sharpshooter.

"Damn, you're like a mob boss sometimes, Stark," he mutters.

The billionaire grins as he turns and walks away. "A guy's got to make money, right?" he calls casually back over his shoulder.

Tony feels like he's started to fit in with his team more since his little 'vacation.' He almost feels like a part of the family now. He participates in Movie Night and hangs out with everyone more. Except, of course, Steve. He'll find surreptitious ways of avoiding Cap, and in his opinion his plan to distance himself is working beautifully. He hasn't... stared in three days now, which he considers to be a great accomplishment, seeing as how Steve's body just begs to be ogled, and touched, and- Nope! Not going down that road. Not anymore.

He'll give himself time to get over Steve, then he'll start hanging out with him again. Maybe he can just be friends with Steve? He can't get rid of him, so he sure as hell can be there for him.

...

Natasha isn't blind. Most people would agree that she sees more than most, in fact. So she doesn't miss the way Steve's face falls when Tony avoids him. He thinks he's being clever about it, but even Steve, who is normally not all that intuitive, can tell. It breaks her heart to see it, and she has to force herself to stay out of it when Tony excuses himself down to his workshop and Steve just watches him go, looking like a lost puppy, sort of. She knows how Tony feels about Steve, and so if he's decided that he'd rather try to ignore those feelings, hurting both himself and Steve in the process, who is she to interfere?

She's a friend, that's who. Which is why, after Tony gets done freeing Clint from the toaster (seriously, what the hell) she corners him.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asks.

Tony tilts his head. "Uh, going to go to the bathroom?"

Natasha scowls. "You know you're really hurting Steve. Why do you keep doing this shit to him?"

Tony frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Stark."

Tony scoffs and whines, like a child."I'm not having this talk, Natasha!"

"Yes you are," she growls. "I can't stand here and watch you wound him again and again. You love him, and don't deny it because we all know you do, so why are you doing this to him?"

Tony looks frustrated, and starts to splutter about not loving Steve, denying it like she'd told him not to, but eventually he just sags against the wall, and shakes his head. "I... Steve deserves better than me. I sleep around, I have a bit of an alcohol problem, I'm emotionally unstable- what do you want to hear?" His eyes are filled with pain when he looks at her. "Do you want me to tell you about how I was completely taken with Captain America as a kid? Do you want to know how when I met Steve he wasn't who I'd been smitten with, but some imposer who looked like him? Maybe about how then I saw how good he was, how utterly selfless and clueless and gorgeous and perfect he is, and how I couldn't help but fall in love with that amazing bastard? Is that what you want, Natasha? Do you want to hear all about how I'm unworthy of him, because he's a god amongst men, and laying eyes on him is a sin? Do you want to know how I'll be the greatest sinner there was if I can just... see him forever. If I can just see him smile and be happy, even if it's with someone else. I could just watch him live his life, perfect and happy, and I would never want anything else. I'm in love with him, Natasha. I love him so much it hurts me. I would give up my soul for his happiness, and he would never be happy with me."

His breath is uneven and juddering, and he scrubs a hand over his face, smiling ruefully and shaking his head. "I don't want to hurt him, but if it will eventually lead to him being happy I'll give up my silly little love, every shred of my sanity, and everything I own. I was never meant to love him, and now that I do I must say I've never regretted something so much in my life."

Natasha hadn't expected that. "Never took you as one for self-sacrifice," she whispers, mouth full of cotton.

Tony laughs dryly. "I guess ol' Captain Stars-and-Stripes is wearing off on me."

Natasha nods, and steps away from Tony. She isn't comfortable with this feeling in her chest. hearing the hopeless despair in Tony's voice... She'd never thought him possibly of such deep emotion, which sounds strange, seeing as how she'd argued he wasn't as two-dimensional as everyone thought.

Tony looks away from her, and shakes his head. "He's so... right, Natasha. Handsome, kind, good, selfless, young, straight. Definitely not some sexually-confused old fart with severe issues pining after an unattainable entity. I'm so pathetic."

Natasha nods thoughtlessly and takes another step back. Her eyes are flicking around and she finally looks at him and her brain feels fried and overactive at the same time and she just nods again and turns and walks away because she has no idea what to say right now so she just walks and feels shocked and surprised and she wants to hug him right now and comfort him which is something she doesn't do so she walks away. She walks away because she underestimated him again and she doesn't so that. She walks away because she's not sure she could deal with what he's about right now. She walks away because if she looks at him again she's afraid she'll lose control and her carefully constructed facade will crumble. She walks away because emotions are hard for her and she hates dealing with her own but has no problem with other people baring their souls to her. She walks away because she's afraid. She walks away. She walks away, and Tony only knows that he's screwed another thing up.

Tony can't deal with another person walking away, so he silently pushes off the wall, and goes to his room. He enters, and locks the door behind him, and flops onto the bed. He'll just stay in here today. He doesn't have anything he needs to do, anyway, so what's the harm?

Tony closes his eyes, and just lets his mind get away from him.

...

Hours later, and the house is full of noise. The Avengers are assembled in the living room, playing a rousing game of Wii Golf. But one of the Avengers is of course, missing.

The game is winding down by the time Tony descends the stairs, dressed slickly, and everyone looks at him, their eyes all asking the same question: 'Why are you dressed like that?'

Tony smiles. "Pepper invited me to some charity event. I'll probably be back later, but don't hold your breath."

They nod, exchange glances, and get back to their game.

Tony leaves, and he doesn't notice a certain blonde Avenger watching him leave, looking sad.

...

The event is bland and boring, but Tony does manage to find a pretty blonde who wants nothing more than to go home with him. And how can he say no to those blue eyes? And so what if it's a guy that looks a little like Steve? That's just coincidence.

The ride home apparently is taking too long for Tony's companion, who keeps insistently touching him and trying to get his attention. Tony is attempting to ignore him, because he knows that this man will want to kiss him, and he hates it when they do that, because for some reason, a kiss is far more intimate than sex. But they always want to kiss.

Finally Tony turns to look at him, and the blonde gazes back at him, hooded eyes that are filled with lust and awe. Shit. This is one of those Iron Man fanboys, isn't it? Tony normally makes it a point not to sleep with his fans, but... he needs this. He'll go against his rule, just this once.

That's when he feels the lips on his, and he doesn't respond for a moment, and he even almost pulls away, but then, reluctantly, he moves his lips against- it started with a D? Derek? Dominic? Dumbass? He likes that one.

Then suddenly the car stops, and Tony pulls away from Dumbass, able to taste wine and- is that crab cake? What the hell. Not a good combination, in his mind.

He gets out of the car, and he hears Dumbass scrambling to catch up as he starts walking to the Avengers Mansion.

Then, suddenly, a hand is attempting to wriggle into his own, and he jerks away from him like Dumbass has burned him. "No," he growls.

Dumbass looks hurt, but then Tony is turning away again, back towards his home, and he keeps walking. 

Tony opens the door for Dumbass, and they step inside, and then Dumbass is all over him. His mouth at Tony's neck, his hands roaming over Tony's body, his hips pressed against Tony's, his legs now in-between Tony's.

And then Tony hears a noise. A soft noise. The laying down of a newspaper on a table.

He pulls Dumbass off of him, and scrambles to the kitchen.

Steve. Of course he'd wait up for him.

Tony finds himself smiling at the blonde, and he smiles back.

Then Dumbass is there, rutting up against his thigh, and Tony turns around agitatedly, scowling at Steve. "Get the fuck out of here!" he snarls.

Dumbass' eyes widen, and he looks hurt, before swallowing hard and running out the door.

Tony scowls. "Fucking drama-queen."

Steve is silent, and when Tony turns back to him he finds that Steve is staring at him, a strange look on his face.

Tony stares back, and he feels like some sort of science experiment, but Steve's undivided attention seems to shut down his brain to the point where his only thought is: Steve.

Then he blinks and suddenly Steve is on his feet, looking a bit like he doesn't know why he's standing. Tony blinks again and Steve is moving toward him, and Tony's heart clenches, and his eyes widen, and his brain shuts down even further, and he is completely frozen in the path of those so-cold-they're-burning-him-alive eyes.

Then Tony is being hugged. Without thinking he hugs back.

"Why are you avoiding me, Tony?" Steve asks quietly after a moment of heavy silence.

Tony is silent, and then he sighs, allowing himself to go limp in Steve's hold. "Because I'm a terrible, selfish person."

Steve pulls away from the hug just enough to see Tony's face. "What do you mean?"

Tony smiles sadly, and taps his nose. "Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, now, would we?"

Steve narrows his eyes. "Stop beating around the bush, Tony. Tell me. I won't let you go until you do."

Tony's smile is a bit more of his usual smile now. "I'd be fine with that," he murmurs as he leans into Steve.

And just as Steve opens his mouth to speak, something clicks. Tony is still attracted to him, of course, but it seems that he's developed feelings along the way. So now he's holding a man with whom he's only supposed to be friends, holding him close, giving him strength, and that man has feelings for him.

Well they're in quite a pickle, aren't they?

But Steve ignores that for now, because Tony is drunk off of charity event wine, just dumped his latest one-night-stand, and is probably very conflicted right now. Steve knows all of this, so he just shifts Tony closer. Tony needs an Atlas right now.

Steve can see these things, because, despite what everyone thinks, he's pretty perceptive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. We just took a little trip in Tony Feelings Land. I'd like to think it's a nice place to go. (also i'm sorry for all the repetition in this chapter. habit of mine.)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't go out! Don't you understand, Tink? You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!"  
> -Peter Pan

Life sucks. Tony truly realizes this the next day, another day when he feels like the dirtiest piece of shit in the universe.

He doesn't possess the energy to go down to his workshop, and so he settles for collapsing on the couch and tugging a blanket over himself, finding, with some difficulty, the remote for the T.V. and turning it on. He channel-surfs for a little while, before settling on Peter Pan.

Tony feels a strange tug on his heart when Peter is saying, "Don't go out! Don't you understand, Tink? You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!"

Tony doesn't understand the emotion that sweeps over him, but he feels almost like he wants to cry. Tony Stark doesn't cry. He especially doesn't cry when a certain Clint Barton is lurking around, or when that same person drops onto the other end of the couch suddenly, and scoffs loudly.

"Peter Pan? Really? What are you, eight? Change to something good."

Tony hides the remote under his blanket. "This movie is good. You're the one acting like an eight year old."

Clint scowls, but doesn't say anything else until the movie ends. "Now can you change the channel? Or maybe let me?"

Tony says nothing, just hands the remote to Clint, before forcing himself to stand, and he suddenly has a weird idea. "Hey, Clint? Do you think I could get away with skipping out for a few days, maybe going to Disneyland?"

Clint looks up at him sharply. "You've got to be kidding me."

...

"Damn. He wasn't kidding," Clint laughs, staring at the note explaining that Tony had gone back to California for a little while.

Natasha turns to him. "Did he tell you he was leaving?"

Clint grins. "That idiot wanted to go to Disneyland."

Natasha sighs heavily. "Then I'll just have to wait to tear him a new one."

...

Tony returns four days later, a grin splitting his face, and bag slung over his shoulder, and he enters the house with a flourish. "Honies, I'm home!" he sings.

His eyes scan the scene he's entered to. Clint and Thor and Steve on the couch, Bruce sprawled on the armchair to the side, and Natasha sitting on the floor in front of the couch, and Peter Pan is playing on the television. This widens Tony's grin.

For some reason, they don't even look at him. So he lets out a loud sigh. "I brought gifts!"

That has Thor up immediately. "Ah! Man of Iron! I did not hear you enter! You say you have gifts?"

Tony rolls his eyes. "Yeah. I'm not completely self-centered... sometimes." He hefts his bag up onto the counter, and unzips it quickly. He reaches in.

"I found... this thing at some random gift shop and I thought, 'Hell, why not?' So here is your gift, Point Break. An inflatable hammer so that when you fight with us you don't actually maul the fuck out of us." He presents the box containing the rubbery hammer with a grand flourish, placing it carefully in Thor's hands. "Go nuts."

Thor smiles. "This is very thoughtful of you, Stark. I appreciate the thought." He goes off to... play with his new toy, or something.

"Next up, Clint!" Tony announces. He digs around for a second before bringing out a very Robin Hood-esque hat: green felt with a red feather. "I thought you might like an addition to your outfit. I actually got you two gifts." He pulls out a huge t-shirt with Donald Duck's face on it. "My brain just made the connection between birds. Here you go, Hawk." Tony throws the gifts to Clint.

He catches them, and he smiles in amusement and gratefulness, before popping the hat on his head. He stands there for a few seconds, frowning thoughtfully, head tilted to the side, before nodding. "I could get used to it."

Tony grins. "Bruce! You were a bit tricky, I must admit, but I found these and... I remembered you really liked that one Disney movie we watched ages ago, so I got you a collection of unbreakable cups and stuff from it. WALL-E, right?" Tony pulls the box from his bag, and hands it to Bruce.

Bruce smiles at him. "That's very thoughtful of you, Tony."

Tony nods, and turns back to his bag of tricks. "Natasha, come here, you beautiful princess." Tony beckons her over, and pauses for a moment, before pulling out a grand tiara, totally real and gold and shining with rubies, and he gently puts it on her. "Ah! But one more thing!" He reaches forward, and puts his fingers at the corner of her mouth, turning them into a smile.

She glares, but her smile turns real after she swats his hands away. "Thank you, Tony. I don't know what I'll do with a tiara, but it's nice to know that if this whole hero business falls through I have a fall-back job."

Tony grins at her, chuckling. "Maybe you can wear it to Bruce's tea-parties with his new WALL-E stuff?" Then, quieter, seriously, he adds, "Thank you... for everything."

Natasha just nods and pulls him into a hug.

Then Tony hesitates. "Steve," he says quietly. His hands shake slightly as he reaches into his large bag for the final gift. It's smaller than the rest, a simple cube, and he opens it quickly to make sure it's alright. He sighs in relief that it is. He looks up to Steve, who is standing a few feet away, and smiles nervously. "I, uh, hope you don't mind me spending a bit of money on you." 

Steve shrugs. "That depends how much."

Tony seems to deflate at his words, and swallows heavily, handing the box to Steve, who slowly opens it, a tad bit anxious.

Inside is what may be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. A watch, with the Captain America shield inlaid on the face of it. The shield shines, and Steve knows that it's made of some kind of expensive jewels, and he looks up at Tony, surprised and flattered. He barely notices that everyone has left the room. "Tony... what are these gems?"

Tony looks away for a second, before reluctantly meeting Steve's gentle, but firm gaze. "The blue is sapphire, the red is ruby, and the white is diamond. The white surrounding it is pearl, the hands are ebony, so are the numbers. The, uh, the strap thing is real leather from Spain. I've been having it made for a little while now. I just thought this might be a good opportunity to give it you."

Steve stares down at it while Tony talks, his eyes getting wider and wider. "Tony I can't... how much was this?"

Tony shuffles uncomfortably. "It was a lot of money."

"I can't accept this."

Tony snaps his head up, his hands out as if trying not to spook an animal. "No, you can, I-I insist, keep it. It's for you. I can't give it back... Please keep it, Steve," he murmurs, pleads.

Steve looks at him silently for a few moments, before cautiously taking it out of the box and putting it on. "This is... It's truly beautiful, Tony."

Tony smiles. "It doesn't even compare to you." The words come out before he can stop them.

Steve doesn't stiffen, doesn't act horrified, just turns a light pink, and can't meet Tony's eyes. "You think?"

Tony steps forward. "I know."

Steve finally looks at him, and Tony can't help but think that he looks positively adorable. Damn he's gay for Steve, if he's thinking of adjectives like adorable when thinking of him.

Tony has to fight an overwhelming urge to kiss Steve right then, and his hands twitch at his sides.

Steve must mistake that for something else, because in a second his arms are wrapped around Tony's body, and Tony can feel his warmth, radiating off of him in waves, making him feel safe.

"Thank you so much, Tony," Steve whispers. "I can never repay you for this."

Tony's palms lay flat on Steve's back, and he leans into the warm strength Steve gives off. "Just keep being you, and I'll consider myself repaid."

"No, Tony, I mean i-"

"I mean it, too. Don't you ever stop being true to yourself. Because you're amazing," Tony whispers fiercely.

Steve is silent for a long time, but the hug doesn't relent. Finally he speaks. "Are you in love with me?" he asks quietly.

Tony's brain immediately starts whirring with denial, the words on his tongue, and just as he says them they die, crawling back down his throat. "Yes," he answers hoarsely, and he can feel that single word slide off his tongue and onto the floor, and he knows it's just staring at him, judging.

Steve doesn't say anything else for an extraordinarily long time. He nods against Tony's shoulder. "I thought so."

...

Tony heads to bed early, claiming jet-lag. He collapses on his bed, and stares at the ceiling silently for a little while. Then he feels panic start to set in. Steve knows his secret. But he didn't flip out? Does that mean that maybe he likes Tony? Yeah, that must be what it means! Tony feels excitement build up, and grins, but then reality sets in, and it feels like he's been punched in the gut.

Steve would never feel that way about him. He didn't flip out because, as he said, he suspected it, so he's had time to cope. Goddamn it.

He just hopes that he can at least continue to be friends with Steve. He hopes that watch doesn't ruin everything between them.

...

"Ow, shit! Ah, fucking- Stop! Thor, you- ah! You fucker!" Tony yells, trying to defend himself.

Thor is laughing and having a whale of a time beating the shit out of Tony with his inflatable hammer, straddling the man's abdomen. "I really do enjoy this gift, Stark!" he yells back with a grin.

"I shouldn't have gotten you that- Motherfucking Christ! Goddamn hammer!" Tony tries to push Thor off as he continues to get hit over and over again. "This thing wasn't- Jesus fuck, stop! Not supposed to hurt!"

Thor finally stops, but stays on top of Tony, grinning down at him. "I grow weary, Stark! You are free to leave!"

Tony glares up at him, and struggles to get out. "How do you weight so much? It's all those fucking Pop-Tarts, isn't it?! Damn it, get off, Thor!"

Thor pats Tony's cheek a couple times, before rising. "I need nourishment! Bring me the tarts!"

Tony scowls. "You've been here on Earth long enough so that you know to get your own damn food," he spits as he pulling himself to his feet. He touches his face gingerly. "You're an asshole."

Thor just grins at him again, before heading into the kitchen to raid the cabinets for Pop-Tarts.

Tony goes into the bathroom, deciding he should probably shower now, since he has an event he has to go to this afternoon. He strips off his shirt, but before he takes his pants off, he inspects himself in the mirror. He's getting a little thin. He hasn't actually shaved in a day or so, so he's looking a bit scruffy. He should get on that. Should he shave before or after his shower?

He pauses to think about it. Before. Why not? He digs around in the cabinet, before pulling out a razor and shaving cream. He's very careful shaving, not making any mistakes. 

When he's done, he checks it out, the shaving cream still on his face. He tilts his head this way and that, making sure he has it perfect.

The door opens, quite suddenly, and Tony only has time to think, 'Maybe I should've locked that.' Then he sees it's Steve, and his brain kind of breaks, because he's shirtless.

Tony's eyes run over Steve's bare chest, soaking up the details, and his mouth has gone dry and he can't really think anymore because Steve is sweaty and shirtless and standing in the bathroom probably planning on showering and oh my god now Tony looks at his face and Steve looks startled but he's smirking and since when does Steve Rogers smirk? and that just breaks Tony's brain even further because holy shit why Steve is just so damn sexy wait what is he doing?

Tony is turning to Steve, his eyes immediately locking on to his chest, and now he's walking forward, and now he's touching Steve's abs lightly, and fuck he's acting crazy stop it Tony, but his brain is just so dead and broken right now that he can't. He realizes that he's making this really embarrassing noise and holy shit he's- Steve is smirking again and Tony knows this because he somehow looks at Steve's face.

Tony notices two things when his brain turns back on. One: he's touching Steve's hot, sweaty abs. Two: Steve is smirking at him, looking amused and his face is so close but too far away for Tony's liking.

So Tony does the only thing that seems logical in that moment.

He kisses Steve, shaving cream and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems that getting that hammer was a mistake, huh Tony?


	8. Chapter 8

Steve had tensed up as soon as Tony's lips touched his, but he hadn't moved away. So Tony stayed there, not moving, not breathing, waiting. Finally Steve had unfrozen, and shifted slightly away. Tony had then put his free hand on Steve's hip, gently trying to draw him closer. Steve had frozen again, but Tony left his hands where they were, resting on Steve's abs and hip.

"Tony," Steve finally murmured, and the way he said it sounded like a warning.

Tony pulled back, just enough to give Steve a little bit of space, but kept touching him.

"Tony, did you- did you just kiss me?" Steve asked quietly.

The genius drummed his fingers absentmindedly on Steve's hip, and eventually nodded.

Steve froze again, and then he roughly shoved Tony away from him. Tony stumbled back, almost falling on his ass, but regained his balance, and glared at Steve.

"What the hell?" he barked.

Steve was beet red, his fingers twitching at his sides, and he looked away from Tony. "You can't just kiss people like that, Tony! That isn't how it's done!"

Tony opened his mouth to say something, probably cruel, then it struck him that Steve grew up in a time where this probably wasn't done. So he swallowed his words, and simply nodded. "Okay. It won't happen again."

Steve nodded, still blushing, and then he began to edge towards the door. He stopped himself suddenly, and his brow furrowed a bit. "I like you, Tony. I'm willing to... to give this a shot. But we're going to do this properly if we're doing this. That means you'll take me out on a date sometime. When I'm ready for... all of this, I'll let you know. As for right now, I'm still getting used to the whole... being with another man in... in this way. Give me some time. But-but I would like to go out with you at one point or another."

Tony blinked in surprise, gaping like a fish, before a huge, dopey grin spread across his face. "Yeah, yeah, I'd, um, I'd love t-to do that. Go out with you. Uh, how about soon? Like, really soon? Maybe, uh, maybe tonight, even?" He's never stumbled around like this. He's got it bad.

Steve is still blushing crazily, but he nods a little shyly. "O-Okay. I'd be alright with that."

Tony nods a bunch of times, still grinning widely. "So tonight! I'll take you to dinner, and, um, yeah. Wear something nice, okay?"

Steve nods. "Sure," he breathes. There's a slightly awkward pause, before Steve nods again and backs out of the bathroom. "I'll just leave you to it, then."

"Yeah, well, okay! Tonight." Tony is still grinning.

Steve nods yet again. "Tonight." He shuts the bathroom door behind him, and Tony stands there for a few moments, before stripping and making his way to the shower.

He doesn't stop smiling for a long time.

...

He's not freaking out. It's not like he can't find his favorite red dress shirt, and why the hell does he only have one black sock? White socks don't do with this outfit and he has to have the black socks but he can't fucking find another! Is that a wrinkle in his pants? Maybe he should've ironed them. Damn it, Tony! Why didn't he plan this out better?

Okay, maybe he's freaking out a little bit.

He finally finds the shirt, and feels like crying in relief, but he won't do that. He pulls it on, and then continues to hunt for that other black sock.

The sock is under his bed, and Tony grabs it, shoving his foot into it quickly, and then grabbing one of his several pairs of dress shoes. He slips his feet in, and surveys himself in the mirror.

"You look good, Stark," he mutters to himself, checking himself over once again.

Should he slick back his hair? The one time he did that around Steve he hadn't really liked it, had he? So no slicked-back hair. Sunglasses? Wait, no. It's eight in the fucking evening, why would he wear sunglasses? He's not just any garden-variety douchebag. He's Tony Stark level douchebag, which means he's above that shit.

Tony heads downstairs, already dialing Happy to make sure the car is ready. He picks up on the first ring, and Tony opens his mouth to ask his question when he turns the corner and sees Steve. The words dry up on his tongue because damn, Cap is looking dapper as fuck! Tony feels that huge grin on his face, and is snapped out of his blatant staring at Steve by Happy's voice.

"What was is you wanted to ask, Tony?"

Tony blinks a few times, before managing, "Car?"

He can hear the smile in Happy's voice as he assures Tony that he has the car.

Tony nods, and hangs up, approaching Steve. He smiles at him, and reaches forward to squeeze Cap's wrist. "You look really fucking fantastic."

Steve blushes faintly. "Thanks, Tony. You look good, too."

Tony tilts his head a bit. "Aw, come on, don't you think I look a bit better than just good?"

Steve wrinkles his nose a bit. "Maybe, but you'll never know."

Tony mock-frowns. "It hurts me that you don't trust me enough to tell me whether or not you think I'm smoking hot."

Steve just grins good-naturedly. "Wouldn't want it to go to your head. Your ego doesn't need any more stroking."

Tony sighs in disappointment. "Well damn."

Steve doesn't say anything else, simply offers his hand to Tony, eyebrow raised slightly.

Tony takes his hand, and Steve grins at him, before leading Tony downstairs.

The Avengers are all lounging in the living room, and when they see Tony and Steve, there's a chorus of groans and a 'finally.' Money exchanges hands, most of it going to Natasha, who accepts it with a sly smile.

Steve is blushing again, his head ducked, and Tony is just grinning at him, because Steve blushing is literally the cutest thing.

Natasha approaches, and she gives Tony a serious look. "You treat our Steve well, hear me? Don't break his heart."

Tony nods solemnly. "I won't."

She smiles, and kisses his forehead. "Then you've got my approval."

Tony smiles back, and then looks around her to the others. "How about it? Do I have your blessings?"

Thor leaps to his feet and charges over. "I am simply grateful that our brothers have finally come together! 'Tis a most joyous occasion, which requires celebration!"

Tony makes an apologetic face. "I would, but we have a reservation."

Thor laughs. "Though I have no idea what that may mean, I will accept it. We shall celebrate later!"

Bruce grins at Tony, and claps his shoulder. "I'm glad you two finally got together."

Tony nods. "I'm pretty glad, too." He looks around. "Now, as much as I'd like to stay and chat, we do have a reservation." He tightens his grip on Steve's hand, and begins to drag him to the door.

"Get it, Rogers!" Clint calls out as Steve opens the front door for Tony.

Steve blushes and Tony flips Clint off, smiling, as they exit the house.

...

Tony moans quietly, his eyes sliding closed as he swallows, unable to get it all down his throat because there's just. So. Much. He begins to cough, trying to keep it on the down-low, until they turn to great, wracking coughs that leave his shuddering. Steve pats his back, chuckling.

"Maybe you shouldn't shove so much food into your mouth at one time, Tony. It'll still be there, you know," Steve tells him, smiling.

Tony coughs a few more times, and wipes at his eyes. "I can't- ahem- I can't help it, Steve. This steak is heavenly."

Steve laughs again. "It is pretty good."

"Pretty good?" Tony's head snaps up, his eyes wide and incredulous. "It's fucking amazing!"

Steve shakes his head, still smiling. "Okay, Tony. Whatever you say."

Tony glowers at Steve, before it cracks into a small, begrudging smile. "But you're right. Don't want to choke."

Steve's eye widen, and he mock-gasps. "Did Tony Stark just admit that someone other than himself was right about something?"

Tony's face struggles to frown indignantly, still smiling. "People aren't always wrong."

Steve grins easily. "Natasha was right about us."

Tony's smile fades. "Yeah. She was."

Steve reaches across the table, and, hesitantly, uncertainly, tangles his fingers with Tony's.

Brown eyes glance up, and lips twitch into a warm smile. Long, dexterous fingers squeeze thick, blunt fingers reassuringly. "I'm happy she was right. So happy."

Steve's smile returns, smaller, but just as bright. "I'm happy, too."

They spend a few moments just looking at each other, silently, before Tony gently disengages and picks up his fork. "I'm not getting any less hungry over here," he grumbles, but his eyes glow.

...

When Steve and Tony return home, it's late, but the front light is on.

Steve stops Tony before he goes inside, and stares at him for a moment, before leaning in slowly, and pressing his lips against Tony's.

It's barely a brush, but it sends electricity sparking through Tony's body, just beneath his skin, causing him to hum quietly and search for more contact. Steve doesn't allow him what he wants, gently holding him back, smiling and blushing.

Tony feels like he's encased in molasses, and his smile is huge, too huge, revealing too much. "You're fucking adorable," he murmurs, since his brain confuses not wanting to give anything away to, once again, giving too much away.

Steve's blush deepens, and Tony wants to kiss him again because damn Steve is cute when he blushes.

Before Tony can get his kiss, though, the door opens, and Thor is enveloping them in a bear hug.

"Brothers! You have returned safely! I hope that the first step of your courtship has proceeded in a favorable manner! And Stark," he says, suddenly serious, "you must remember to obey tradition. I have studied Midgardian courtship rituals, and have discovered that you must give the Rogers house a considerable dowry if you wish to continue courting him!"

Tony cracks up, covering his face with his hands. "Where- oh shit- where did you hear that?"

Thor, oblivious, grins proudly at him. "Through the connecting web that the Hawk taught me to use!"

Tony starts to choke he's laughing so hard, while Steve just stands there blushing, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'm afraid you're mistaken, Thor. That hasn't been procedure for a long time."

Thor's brow wrinkles, and he looks utterly bamboozled for a second, before grinning again and nodding enthusiastically. "Of course! You are more knowledgeable than I on matters such as this! I will trust your judgment. It appears that Stark will not have to acquire goats and payment. I hope that does not offend your family, Captain."

Steve shakes his head. "I doubt they'll be offended."

Thor claps Tony's shoulder painfully. "Enjoy your courtship!" He disappears into the house.

Tony rubs his shoulder, still grinning. "I love that guy, when he isn't being a dunce. What would we even do with goats, anyway?"

Steve's brow furrows. "But you're supposed to give the goats to my family, right?"

Tony seems to close off a bit, folding his arms across his chest. "Well... I just... We're family, I thought."

Steve is silent for a while, before he wraps Tony into a hug. "I guess we are family, aren't we? Just like Bruce said."

Tony tilts his head as much as he can in the hug. "What did Bruce say?"

Steve smiles. "Something about you, Clint, and Thor being children, while Natasha and I were like your parents. Bruce was the uncle who lived here 'indefinitely' but would never leave."

Tony makes a face, and wriggles out of the hug. "Wait, so I want to fuck my dad? That's really fucking gross."

Steve snorts in laughter. "It's not like I'm actually your dad."

Tony wrinkles his nose, and walks into the house, calling over his shoulder, "Whatever, old man!"

The 'old man' shakes his head, smiling. "What am I going to do with him," he mumbles to himself. He takes a second just to be happy and content with how the night went, before heading inside, back to his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took far too long to write. I've been getting distracted by ideas of AUs and Star Trek. I'll start something with those ideas once I finish this. It's never good when i start up multiple projects at once.
> 
> So yeah, I apologize for being late with this chapter, but I got it done, right? It's kind of short, sorry.
> 
> Uh, but yeah, this is the next-to-last chapter.
> 
> Unfortunately I've been a) running low on inspiration to continue and b) found a suitable place to wrap it up.
> 
> So I hope you aren't unhappy with me?
> 
> I just... can't really continue if I'm gonna half-ass it. That's not how I do things. I get really stressed if I leave a fic halfway done, and I have enough of them out there.
> 
> I suppose sorry not sorry, in a way.


	9. Chapter 9

Tony is absolutely swamped with work the next day. Apparently SHIELD had been sending in tons of stuff for him to get done, and now Tony has a list of shit that needs to be done so long that, if it was written on paper, it would've taken an entire fucking forest to make enough for it all.

But Tony just does what he does, sinking into his work, the music loud, really loud but he can barely hear it he's so in the zone.

Hours and hours later, Tony doesn't notice Steve at the door, doesn't notice JARVIS talking, because he's totally immersed in his work, and he hasn't been so into it since he became compromised by Steve. It feels good to lose himself in his work, and it's better than losing himself to alcohol again.

But he does notice when his music is shut off, and a heavy hand lands on his shoulder.

He jerks away as if he's been burned, and whips around to face Steve. He tilts his head in a silent question.

"You've been down here for close to three days, Tony. I'm guessing you haven't slept or eaten, have you?" Steve's arms fold across his chest, and he raises an eyebrow.

Tony sighs. "I had coffee. Isn't that enough?"

Steve's eyebrow comes back down, and its partner joins it low over those blue, blue eyes. "No."

Tony sighs again, heavier this time. "You aren't my mother, Steve."

Steve tilts his head. "No, but I am your boyfriend."

Tony freezes, and stares at Steve, wide-eyed. "What? Boyfriend? When did that happen?"

Steve looks away, blushing slightly. "I, um, I just thought-"

"Steve, I can't be your boyfriend. I don't-" Tony stops, and bites his lower lip. "Look, I really, really care about you. Which is why you need to believe me when I say that I am the worst boyfriend ever. I always end up hurting the people I get involved with."

The blonde returns his gaze to Tony again, and he gives a small smile. "I know that. But I'm not going to let you go because you can't see how amazing you are. Look, it may be a little early to say it, but I will always be here for you, whether you're Tony Stark, or Iron Man; weak, strong, poor, rich. I'm here, Tony, because not only do I want this whole romantic thing with you, I'm your friend, too."

Tony freezes again, and he feels so vulnerable in this moment, like Steve has stripped him down and laid him bare. "I..." he starts, but he can't figure out how to finish the thought. "I don't deserve you," he finally whispers.

Steve smiles, and it's like staring into the sun. "Well you have me anyway."

Tony smiles back, and it's a raw, painful, helpless, immensely vulnerable smile. He launches himself at Steve, and wraps around him, burying his face in the warmth at the crook of his neck, and breathing in the scent of soap and laundry detergent and Steve. Words form on his tongue, his mouth almost rolls them out, but instead he swallows them down, and they burn like alcohol in his throat. He has to keep them inside, though. Those words are sacred, and he can't let them get out, can't let Steve know how much he means to him, because then he'd run away, and Tony couldn't handle that. So he doesn't say a word, and just holds Steve close, reveling in this moment because he can just have him, not have to worry about anything like that gnawing hunger in his belly, or the tantalizing prospect of sleep. Steve will remind him, but no matter how long it takes it'll be too soon.

Steve does tell Tony that he needs sustenance, but instead of making him walk or anything silly like that, he carries him up the stairs and into the kitchen, still holding Tony as he busies himself with making food, probably a sandwich. He sets Tony down on a chair, but doesn't release one of his hands, and presses his leg against Tony's beneath the table.

It fills Tony with a warm feeling, and he can't fight the smile that creeps up on him, so he eats.

He's struck with the feeling that life is good, which is something he hasn't felt since Afghanistan.

...

They go on a total of one hundred and nineteen dates over the next two years, and everything has been falling down around them for a while, but they stay together.

They stay together after Natasha leaves on a "business trip" and never comes back; after Bruce Hulks out in public and kills a lot innocent people and is taken away; after Thor decides to go be with Jane; when they and Clint are the only Avengers left.

Steve and Tony don't leave each other, and Steve proposes down in Tony's workshop. Tony refuses, the first time, but Steve persists, and soon Tony says yes, because he realizes that he does trust Steve, and they'll spend the rest of their lives with each other anyways, so why not get married?

They keep fighting, keep the Avengers Initiative alive because, really, who else would?

Tony and Steve adopt a nine-year-old son, Peter. They're good fathers, even though sometimes Tony feels that all-too-familiar self-doubt and sadness, but Steve is there to rescue him, always there for him, and he lends Steve his comfort when he occasionally wakes up from nightmares about his old life, and when Tony has nightmares about his, well, Steve is there for him then, too.

Tony starts to realize that maybe he does deserve this, maybe he can actually do this.

Pepper's leaving hits him hard. He'd known it was coming for a long time, but never expected it to happen so soon. She resigns, and becomes the spokeswoman for some company helping with animals in oil spills and such. Not having her at his disposal as she always used to be is unsettling and leaves him feeling like something is missing from his life. Tony doesn't talk to her for months, until one night he drunk-dials her, one night when he fell off the wagon, the only night when he fell off the wagon, and then they get back into regular communication.

He's happier after that, but lots of things still feel out of place.

Five years later, Fury starts setting up something called the "Young Avengers," and they take the place of the previous group. Peter is recruited, and he seems to enjoy it. Clint is their "mentor," but in Fury-speak that means he's their babysitter. Clint both hates and enjoys that responsibility.

A few more years go by, and Tony finds himself feeling... old, for lack of a better word. It starts to get harder for him to do simple things, like even breathe, and the doctors inform him that the arc reactor is causing problems with his body systems and organ functions. They estimate he has a year, at most, to live. He comes home to live out the rest of his days in comfort, with an EKG hooked up to him. He's surprised it works, what with the arc reactor, but he's too tired to really get into it.

He spends most of his days down in his workshop, not working, just... remembering. Dummy, that old hunk of junk, stays near him, whirring softly every so often as if to remind Tony that he's here for him. Tony appreciates that, and JARVIS lets him watch movies all the time, and has people bring things down to him, like food or more blankets or some sort of drink, maybe. He knows Tony is dying, which is the only reason he allows him to continue on like that.

Steve sometimes stays with him, when he isn't busy with SHIELD or the Young Avengers. He's still holding Tony up, even if the stubborn genius doesn't realize it.

Tony ends up fighting for a year and two months, and when he finally goes, Steve is there with him.

"I'm Atlas, Tony," Steve murmurs to his husband, holding one of Tony's hands in both of his.

Tony gives him a mildly confused look, but doesn't try to talk, when each breath is a battle.

"I've been here, holding our worlds up for a long time now. I don't know what I'll do when the weight of your world is lifted from my shoulders," Steve admits, eyes cataloguing Tony's face, committing every detail to memory because he doesn't want to forget. Not ever.

Tony smiles, and it's one of his old smiles, full of love and joy. "You'll be light," he whispers hoarsely, and his body is wracked with a coughing fit. His hand rises to his mouth, and comes back spattered with blood. "This is it. I can... feel it." His eyes fill with warmth. "I love you, Steve."

He chokes for a few minutes, gasping for air, eyes shut tightly, and then he stills, relaxes, his breath rattling out of him.

The monitor flatlines, and emits that annoying noise that tells Steve his Tony is dead.

It tears at him, and he bites his lip to avoid crying, but a few rebel tears roll down his cheeks and he can't help but wipe at them furiously and mutter, "My tear ducts are traitors." More come, and he stops fighting them eventually, just slumping and feeling much, much older than thirty-five. 

Thinking about age hits him in the gut, too. Tony was only fifty-one years old. Too young to die like this, with his body slowly giving out on him. He didn't deserve a slow and torturous death, but Steve knows that Tony would smile at him now and say, "Every minute spent with you is worth the pain," because that man was ridiculously cheesy and corny and romantic and so, so perfect.

Steve reaches up, and slides Tony's eyes closed, before pulling the plug on the stupid machine making stupid noises. Steve sighs heavily.

"You're a liar, Tony," he murmurs. "You said I'd be light... but I've never felt anything so heavy." He stares at Tony's body as if he expects a response.

JARVIS speaks. "Sir, I am sorry to ask this but... we must make plans for Master Stark."

Steve nods a few times. "Call Pepper. I need to talk to her."

JARVIS does so immediately, and soon Steve is patched through to her.

"Steve?"

"He's gone."

There's a pause on the other end of the line, a small whimper, and then there's silence for a long moment.

"Then we... We need to handle this. I'll handle all the really complicated stuff and you... you just work on whatever you think you can handle." This Pepper Potts is a businesswoman. She's strong, and powerful, and she knows what to do, even if she's breaking apart right now, her voice small but certain.

Steve nods, and even though she can't see him he knows she got the message.

"It'll be okay, Steve," Pepper whispers, and waits for a moment, before hanging up.

Steve nods again. But no it won't. It'll never be okay. He'll pull through, though. Like always.

He's Atlas, remember? His world just got a little heavier, that's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this has been fun, and I'm sad it's over.
> 
> I'll start another something, I'm sure. Probably Spirk, since they seem to be dominating my attention nowadays.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading, and I'll catch you later, hopefully.


End file.
